Category Archives: Uncategorized

Transfiguring Loneliness

If loneliness was already an epidemic pre-COVID-19, I wonder if after 6 months and counting, it has now risen to a pandemic while COVID-19 itself (I heard) was downgraded to an epidemic?

Loneliness feels awfully painful and cuts like a knife.

Imagine its explosion both in severity and number of people affected.

If my clients already in the spiritual awakening and personal development are feeling it, what more are the ones who are just waking up to an even more divisive and unforgiving world?

Lonely people are prone to more stress. Without skills, they are more prone to shut down, self-protect through numbing, distraction and addiction. They grow more separated and disconnected from their life force energy. hence become more susceptible to mental chatter, self neglect, severe anxiety and depression, and some, sad to say, suicide.

Let’s fight back through self care. Ok?

Yes, lots of uncertainties and fear surrounding one’s health, family, job, future.

That on top of already existing chronic loneliness as reported by Time.com even pre-COVID-19, can you imagine the added stress weakening the immune system and deterioration in the quality of life?

My clients are seething inside, because on a soul level they know there’s a mismatch in what they know is true on a Soul level and the physical experience of a world infested by the mere thought of COVID.

So, here’s what I know —

Loneliness is a state of mind that is mastered through repetition. So is freedom. — Tess Vergara

Loneliness is something that first comes through as perception and then master through repetition. Through our thoughts, that creates meanings, which becomes our feelings, which then influences what actions we take, which creates a story, that reinforces beliefs, which locks in our experiences into a pattern, which then creates the structure through which reality plays out as well as how we see ourselves.

In other words, we collect evidence that supports we are lonely.

But what if loneliness is simply a desire for connection? A longing for love? That before the pandemic was directed externally? What if loneliness is a writing on the wall you are in desperate need to connect with your Self/Soul? And what if your learned helplessness, coping and protective mechanisms are themselves blocking you from that connecting with life and love and joy itself which then creates more loneliness and longing for your true self?

And what if you can stop the pattern of guarding yourself, numbing yourself, and withholding yourself? And what if you have the power inside of you to transmute that heavy block of wood and sculpt it into a shiny, rounded, smooth, free flowing, in action, pack of fierce pack of wolves that belong and explore together.

This is manifestation.

It starts with a deep desire.

It starts with a decision to honor that desire.

It starts with commanding your consciousness to create that desire and manifest it in the physical.

It starts with activating the freedom by giving yourself lots of permission to express what is dying in loneliness in you.

It starts with opening up with your whole heart and your whole mind to open up to the freedom that you already are. Your spirit is free and boundless and ever-flowing. This is your essence. This is your core. This is your truth.

Ok, here are the steps:

  1. Get yourself in a powerful state. There are tons of meditation on YouTube you can listen to again and again until you can command yourself to get to a powerful state quickly, at a flick of your fingers.
  2. Command your Higher Self to activate oneness with your Higher Vibrational Frequencies as Higher Expression of Truth, Light and Freedom.
  3. Ask: What is loneliness teaching me? Journal, journal, journal.
  4. Learn the distinction between your old story (lonely is me, pity party for one) to your highest truth. Feel it in your body. Do you feel expanded or contracted? Do you feel in flow or in struggle? Do you feel sustained or depleted? Feel your truth in your body. Notice when you are off center. Whenever you are off center, refrain from judgment and shame, and instead, simply remind yourself what is your truth. What do you deeply desire? Connect as Higher Expression of Truth, Light and Freedom. Fighting loneliness only disconnects you further from yourself. Embrace loneliness instead and use it’s invitation to deeply connect. Get curious. What is loneliness here to teach me? (Don’t skip step 3)
  5. Disengage from the narrative. Watch your self talk. Listen compassionately to how you are talking to yourself, listen to the self talk without buying into it. When you start believing the old story, you just keep feeding the cycle. Should this happen, simply go back to step 1.

At each of the steps, master the art of non-judgment towards self. Practice self-compassion and 100% self-acceptance. And notice. Notice where your focus is. Raise your level of awareness. And stay present.

Notice the evidence that you are never alone.

If you are at home, notice your seat, your sofa, your bed fully supporting you. Notice and appreciate every little thing, every little blessing. If you are outside in nature, notice the wind caressing your face. Notice the earth fully supporting and nourishing you.

Notice God/Source never separate from you, always guiding you, always prompting you. Notice the cells in your body fully loving and breathing you. Notice your inner child deeply connecting, playing, and healing with you. When you notice self defeating thoughts, immediately tune in where that might be coming from without collapsing your energy. Keep your awareness high while you stay curious and activate the wisdom of your Higher Self.

Just notice. Notice your Soul Power.

This is how you transfigure the face of loneliness — by deeply connecting and activating your Soul Power. From there, you access deeper compassion and connection with All That Is and all of creation. Including loneliness. And from there, more space and freedom to open up and invite in more of life in its purest form emanating from you, through you, for you, and all of creation. Feel that connection. Feel how expansive that feels when you live beyond blame, shame, and judgment.

Loneliness then becomes miraculous. Because it led you to greater experience and expression of Self. Which was what your Soul was lonely for.

References

Time.com — “COVID-19 Is Making America’s Loneliness Epidemic Even Worse”
Census.gov — “U.S. Census Bureau Releases 2018 Families and Living Arrangements Tables”

iPhone and Higher Consciousness?

Yes… I just upgraded from iPhone 7 to iPhone 10 and I found it so fascinating. I’d never had my old phone and the new phone talk like that and transfer information at the touch of a button. It was so easy. And sleek. And fast.

I realized, the ascent to Higher Consciousness, meaning, the shift from fear-powered to SOULPOWERED, could be likened to having a brand new smart phone. 

There’s trepidation. There’s some doubts. There’s learning curves. 

Things feel kinda familiar but not exactly what you were used to.

Now, if you resist the upgrade process, you might end up frustrated, freaking out, fearful, full of doubts and hesitation. Well, what if I lose my texts, my photos, my contacts, my apps? What if it’s complicated? What if it takes too long? 

My guide reassured me it’s going to be easy. So I relaxed and trusted. Kinda like the expansion and ascent in consciousness.

What if it’s easy AND intentionally already made easy for you? What if you have guides and companions to hold your hand along the way? What if the only thing to do really is to first open up to the idea of an upgrade, and then fully trust that you are fully supported, and that the transition will be smooth? 

What if the gateways are already open and all you have to do is do push some buttons (haha funny! lol!) and it activates the upgrade.

What if it takes less time than you were stressing about it would take?

Such was my experience upgrading to an iPhone that was just gifted to me.

And I wish such was my own awakening experience. I wish it went just as smooth. No! I was clueless what was happening. It felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath me. It was a crash course that felt like being thrown to the wolves. It was terrifying. 

While I had to discover awakening all on my own, where I constantly drowned in self-doubt, discouragements, and what I felt were undeserved heartbreaking disappoinments, it got me to this place where I can now guide those who are waking up and pass on this information. 

That it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be difficult. It doesn’t have to be a struggle. Not anymore. 

A world of ease and effortlessness, and peace and love and joy awaits us when we take the leap, Wake Up From Self Doubt And Step Into SoulPowered Leadership.

Oh but I’m not a leader, Tess.

Oh, but you are.

You are guiding people to see themselves in a whole new light whether you are aware of it or not.

Negative or positive, conscious or not, we are constantly impacting each other.

People are constantly making determination if their experience with us is a warning what not to do, or something to receive and incorporate in their life.

Either way it’s a gift for self reflection and self actualization, even when one it is mostly happening on a subconscious level.

So even if it was a simple thing as switching to a new phone, and it created ease and more functionality,

Or maybe switching to a healthy lifestyle of deep self care and self love and showing folks around you you can beat cancer or diabetes…

Or taking a stand to follow the call step into SoulPowered Leadership and be part of the solution to the crises and injustices that befall humanity, earth and all its inhabitants today,

Whatever it is… whatever your soul is calling you to do, you’re constantly taking leadership of your thoughts, words, and deeds and energetically impacting the world around you.

It’s inevitable. That’s the perfection of our divine nature. We are constantly triggering and activating one another to bring us back to Soul Power. We are constantly bringing out and reflecting the light in each other to remind us that we are more than we say or think we are.

Thanks to the giver of this gift who was also the same person who pushed my buttons that had crash and burn on my way to awakening. He may or may not be unaware that he (and the whole entire world) continues to infinitely gift me with deeper insights to myself. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For this joy of being.

If your Soul is calling you to ascend in Higher Consciousness, Wake Up From Self Doubt and Step into SoulPowered Leadership, 

Join me for a free monthly SoulPowered Leadership Training Class

What: Wake Up From Self Doubt and Step into SoulPowered Leadership

When: February 12, 2020 4pm PST, 6pm CST, 7pm EST

Where: https://event.webinarjam.com/register/87398in%MCEPASTEBIN%

It’s open to all but designed if like me…
-You can no longer just watch idly by the atrocities and injustices and crises collectively affecting our human race and wellbeing of the planet and its inhabitants…
-You want to entertain the idea of bringing heaven on earth because of and despite of the negativities that is dominating and destroying the world as we know it
-You know you’re being called to create change in the world, yet there’s a nauseating pit of self doubt and deep seated insecurities holding you back.

Invest just an hour with me and you’ll discover:
* The reason you doubt yourself.
* What to do when you start to doubt your own abilities.
* The cycle of self doubt that gets you stuck and why it has you guaranteed to fall way short of your true ability
* How to create trust, certainty and confidence in yourself and evolve past self doubt.

If you can’t attend live, no worries, you’ll have the recording, plus a special bonus training presentation that was exclusively presented online to coaches and changemakers.

https://event.webinarjam.com/register/87398in

Evolve From Self Doubt

I hear ya. SELF DOUBT is real… a real thief in the night and destroyer of dreams.

I blame self doubt for spiraling me into depression and burnout.

And I thank it too, for awakening me from a numb, lifeless, zombie-like existence, and just going through the motions.. to now knowing there’s so much more to me than meets the eye.

If you’ve done any soul searching, you probably know what I am talking about.

We can no longer be spectators of our own destruction. ~ Tess Vergara

 

You didn’t arrive on earth to become hostage of self doubt. There is a new life calling you forward. You know it. You feel it. And you can no longer deny it. 

If you know in your SOUL that you want to serve at your highest level, create a huge impact, and make a difference in the world, but self doubt and insecurities keep getting in the way, then I want to support you Step into Soul Powered Leadership

Wait, what? What is Soul Powered Leadership?

SoulPowered is that deep inner knowing and connection with what you know is true at the depths of your being where fear, inner conflict and self doubt are a thing of the past.

Here’s a quick video to help you distinguish between SOULPOWERED vs FEAR-POWERED


And if you feel that same urgency that the world can no longer wait, then join me for a free SoulPowered training class:

What: Free SoulPowered Training: Wake up from Self Doubt and Step into Soul Powered Leadership

When: February 12, 2020 4pm Pacific, 6 pm Central, 7 pm Eastern

Where: https://event.webinarjam.com/register/87398in

Invest just an hour with me and you will discover:

  • The reason you doubt yourself
  • What to do when you start to doubt your own abilities
  • The cycle of self doubt that gets you stuck and why it has you guaranteed to fall way short of your true ability
  • How to create trust, certainty and confidence in yourself and evolve past self doubt
  • And more

When you sign up this week, you will receive a special bonus SoulPowered Activation Session to Evolve Beyond Self Doubt

Tess’s coaching taps right into your soul, and aims right for a deep self awareness and awakening. Working with her helped me get right into alignment on my energy and clarity for where I want to take my business and my life. A refreshing high level approach to lighting your fire.
~ Rachel Loeslie

You are needed out there. You, me, us… We’ve got important work to do in this dysfunctional world we live in. We all gotta step it into it and step up BIG… And fast. And I will be with you every step of the way.

Here’s the link again to register here for this FREE SoulPowered Leadership Training:

https://event.webinarjam.com/register/87398in

Wake up from Self Doubt and Step into Soul Powered Leadership

Who is feeding your SELF DOUBT?

I saw a post in the coaching world that said “STOP WORKING ON YOUR SELF and start working on your goal.

And I can appreciate the intention behind it.

“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
~ William Shakespeare

Self doubt is sneaky and hides behind learning and other delay tactics convincing you to settle and not go after what you truly desire in life

Except…

1) How can you even stop working on yourself? Once you’ve awakened you just know stagnation is death. Lack of progress means unhappiness.

Whether you are aware of it or not, you are wired for growth and evolution. To stop it is choosing to live in hell and struggle and depression and anxiety etc etc.

2) We are infinite beings! We are constantly bumping into challenges not because we are not enough, but because we are bringing into form our infinite expressions and experiences as much as we are allowing it.

Again, to go against your infinite nature and STOP working on up leveling is really not quite fully understanding your infinite potentialities. It suggests that the (unintegrated, fear-driven) mind is still in control and in resistance to live in the realm of possibilities it fears as unknown. Gotta shift your mind!

3) Also! Know what stage you are in. Are you in

  • Self-awareness/Discovery stage?
  • Self empowerment/Integration stage?
  • Self Mastery/Embodiment stage?
  • Self actualization/Expansion stage?

Different goals and values and belief systems gets constructed and deconstructed at various stages. Don’t rush, don’t compare, don’t judge your progress, honor your process and timing.

If there are messages out there that feeds your doubt and suggests you are taking so god damn long, well…. they too took so god damn long. They really are not better off than you.

They can’t speed it up for you. Only you can do that! There’s no spiritual bypass. We can only guide and reflect your readiness or unreadiness and that doesn’t mean a bad thing. It’s a journey! Don’t let what I say or what anybody says feed DOUBT that could potentially delay, steal and/or destroy your dreams.

Awakening and stepping into something we didn’t know we could, and then applying principles of lack and fear and doubt just ain’t gonna work in the new world you are creating for yourself and others. It’s no longer congruent.

If we are going to manifest what we truly and deeply desire, then there is no more room or need for self doubt.

Bottom line: You can work on your inner self AND take aligned actions.

In fact, it really is time to align our outer realities with our Soul Power. Not because someone harasses you to change, or there’s a need or a lack or that there is something wrong with you or need to prove your worth.

But because there’s an undeniable and unshakable impetus inside that says, it’s time!

It is time to create a better world.

That should be all our goal.

This world is destroying itself! Complacency is no longer an option.

It is time to bring to fruition what we came here to do. It is time to step up and step into what we were born to be.

Awareness is key.

Alignment is key.

Integration is key.

Soul Liberation is key.

Knowing what stage you are in dissolves the niggling doubt that questions whether you are only deluding yourself and why is nothing working. And the guilt that says shit I need to get over myself.

Try to rush the process and you’re back in separation and judgment and feeding self doubt powering up and perpetuating the old world that’s on its way out.

What worked in the old world of fear and blame and shame and judgment can no longer survive in the new world.

The world is awakening.

And you are reconstructing your new world from unshakable foundation of truth love wholeness and SoulPowered consciousness.

Thank you for stepping up and doing your inner work.

‘Twas a Dark Night of The Soul

2012 was a hard year for me.

I was going nuts going through an excruciating dark night of the soul… I had no idea what was happening to me. Friends and family did not know what to do with me. It was such a scary, isolating, mind boggling, debilitating dark time of my life. An experience I wouldn’t wish on anybody.

It was around this time, 12/21/12 when I enrolled to become an Awakening Coach. And then later, a Robbins Madanes Coach… searching high and low for answers… for truth. 

There was so much I had to learn on my own to reconcile within me… so much to un-layer, dismantle and expose… so much numbness I had to thaw out… so much I had to feel again or allow to feel for the first time… so much I had to reframe and rewire… release, let go and surrender… so much, so much, so much rebellion… revolution… inside of me… to go against the grain and de-program and de-condition who I thought I was… let go of the box of limitation I was forced into… and continued to create for myself… and finally have the courage to step out of the box to fully recognize and re-member the deep calling of my Soul to become flesh! 

In each reprieve, in each “oh my god” awakening moments, my prayer was:

May I feel this Awake, this Alive, this Audacious

And with every breath, with every thought, with every moment, I made it my living, embodied prayer, until memories of those anguished moments transcended and transmuted into such gloriousness they take my breath away in awe of God’s amazingness that we are. No longer buying into separation. Learning instead every bit of AT-ONE-MENT.

Simply: I AM. Oneness. Wholeness. Fullness.

And I am so grateful for all of it. The wild, heart-ripping, mind-boggling emotional rollercoaster. The mind, oh I love you so. And most especially the stubbornness of my soul that refused to yield to what was out of alignment and was robbing me of joy and power.

No more.

No more to whomever/whatever insults my/our Soul.

I do not apologize nor can ever regret kicking out of my path those who pushed/dragged/weighed me down. The gift isn’t lost on me. Thank you for triggering me to get the hell out of man-made, egoic, fear-based kind of existence. Thank you for evicting me out of there. I never did belong there. And now I hold space for you to join me here. In glorious heaven.

Heaven is where we all belong. And isn’t this such an exciting time to be alive!!!!!!! Divine, glorious, humans!!! Restoring our divinity, our true infinite potentialities and possibilities.

And today on 12.21.19, I truly feel and know and sense with every fiber of my being, this is where we are NOW.

Thy Kingdom Come On Earth As It Is In Heaven.

NOW.

2020! I am so excited you are. I know I am barely scratching the surface. And whereas in the past, I prayed to “get me out of here”, I now can’t wait to Explore, Experience, Expand. I can’t wait to play with you and all of creation!!!

Let’s go!

Join me? Email me at tess@tessvergara.com to find out how to get Soul Powered in 2020 and reclaim your heaven, your joy, your power NOW. 

The Promise of the 4th!

There’s so much I want to share… which doesn’t surprise me since I haven’t written in a long while.

It’s 4th of July, and I am hearing many of you expressing difficulty celebrating Independence Day.

But here’s the thing –

We can’t NOT celebrate freedom just because others are denied it.

Oooh sounds heartless, Tess. I know, I know. Allow me explain.

Would you starve yourself to death just coz some people are starving and hungry in some parts of the world, or even in your own backyard?

Some might.

To protest. To show support. To make a statement. To take a stand.

And that is admirable.

It’s a beautiful thing to witness in others this passion and conviction that moves them so strongly to rise in action. It is amazing what passion and indignation can create transformation and make the world a better place.

It’s literally heartbreaking to just stand idly by while injustice is inflicted upon the needy and the weak, the poor and disadvantaged, the voiceless and powerless.

I remember my own anger and frustration to the point of shouting to get my message across yet no one listened. It took me years to realize I couldn’t effectively create change when I too was feeling disempowered, insignificant, empty. Lack only begets lack.

Think about it, if by taking a stand, you are starving yourself, literally or figuratively, then your fuel eventually runs out. This drive, this passion will dry up because it cannot sustain itself.

Why? Because You as Source is disconnected. It leaks your power and focus. Nothing is more exasperating than to give it all you’ve got and come to a point where you’ve got nothing left to give.

Going back to the metaphor of starving yourself, when you starve yourself, it lowers your own energy to basic survival. Your message in life, as lovely and moving, falls on deaf ears because who you are disconnected from, and ultimately punishing, you. You are self abandoning.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot of courage and strength to be gained in standing your ground and fight for a cause no matter the consequences. It is so satisfying to look fear in the eye and tell it to take a hike. Oooooh that always feels so good and so rewarding. When you are connected and fully sourced from your authentic innate core power.

However if you are at the effect, and cut off from source, meaning your own energy feels self-defeating, depleting, and unsustainable, then what is happening is you are collapsing your energy or cutting off your own power source or plugged in the wrong socket!

So that is what happens when we starve ourselves. Our energy goes down, our emotions are high, we get cranky, irrational, combative, and before we know it we created more division and separation and make matters worse contributing more to the problem rather than the solution.

What we are doing really is feed more of our energy and fuel the very things that we desperately want to change. What we focus on grows. Negatively or positively, whatever we focus on is what we create more of and give power to.

And then we keep circling and recreating this impotence… this sense of defeat in the pit of the stomach… nothing more humiliating and humbling than to experience this sense of powerlessness and feeling victimized.

When impotence due to disconnection is the foundation of the fight, we create more of the same experience. We create more lack. We create more frustration. We create more negativity. In accounting, that’s like running on a deficit.

When the foundation is on a deficit, the frustration and sense of defeat gets stronger creating more lack and victimization. And will keep getting recreated and regurgitated in one’s balance sheet until we do something radically different.

What does a deficit look like in one’s personal life?

When standing on deficit (lack, disconnect and separation from your own source), when you are at the effect of what is going on around you, then you are creating or feeding LACK. Lack of reason to celebrate, lack of insight or foresight. This lack starts to eat you up inside.

  • You get headaches
  • You force yourself to be happy
  • You drink or work more or spend more just to feel better
  • You surround yourself with people you don’t even like just to commiserate with, and get through it all

No wonder you wake up 4th of July finding it difficult to celebrate FREEDOM.

Deep inside you feel trapped. You are drowning. You feel impotent to create or influence change.

What has to change?

Going back to the example, what if instead of starving ourselves, we feed ourselves, reconnect and refuel, so we can look beyond the problem?

I didn’t say ignore the problem. Or wish it away with positivity.

What I am saying is, step back, create distance, and allow a space through which solution can get through.

Why?

For every problem, there is a solution.

You just got to elevate yourself from the unconsciousness that created the problem, wake up, break free, and see your part in (creating) the solution.

FREEDOM is already who you are.

~ Tess Vergara

And that’s why you feel it is not right, it is not just, it is not fair, when freedom is taken from others by force, manipulation, deceit. It can never be right. And you know it from the pit of your stomach. That’s your truth.

However, when we are out of alignment or disconnected, there’s this rage and anguish that is woken up from deep within wanting full release, expression and fulfillment.

The freedom to fully express your Unique Self, your Soul, your Spirit.

The freedom to birth your infinite Pure Potentiality and Divinity.

The freedom to be a part of the creative process that brings about solution and change.

Somebody actually accused me of being a Pollyanna. That I am always looking at the bright side of life. Ok, accusation is a strong word. She really just mentioned it. But I am making a strong point here so bear with me.

People who assume this about me have no clue that I had been through hell and back to open up and expand my perspective. I had to go through the depths of my pain and anguish, face my demons, to finally find this freedom that I now gift back to people through Awakening Coaching.

There’s a huge problem out there. But we cannot solve it from the level of thinking it was created. Not from lack or victim consciousness.

There is a cosmic trigger going on, an intense call for humanity, and exciting opportunity available to all around the globe to wake up.

What we are seeing and experiencing is a breakdown of the old structure. The old way of being and doing – the machinations of ego and fear-based thinking – that insults our soul – is on its way out.

Keep the fight. But do not deplete yourself. Do not disconnect from your own Source. Do not buy into the fear and victimization. Connect back to your Truth. Who you are is FREEDOM awaiting release, expression and fulfillment.

Yes, protest. Yes, resist. But also check in with your own energy. What are you giving power to? Fear or Freedom?

How do you know?

Are you feeling energized by the fight while faithfully holding space for the new consciousness to evolve and birth in the physical realty? Or is the fight depleting you? Are you collapsing into the doom and gloom and fear that freedom cannot be had?

Check in what you are believing and bringing forth into creation.

Take responsibility what your energy is giving power to.

In this exciting times of awakening, let’s really become aware of what is in our consciousness and let go of what is getting in the way of creating the freedom we deeply long for and desire for ourselves, for all of humanity, for all of creation.

Within us lies a deep unquenchable longing for FREEDOM. It is like we are hungry for all that we are… all creativity, beauty, intelligence trapped unexpressed within us wanting FREEDOM to be here and now.

When faced with adversity, simply take notice. Where is your energy? And do your part in the conscious shift of reality, from fear to FREEDOM.

There’s many of us now who are awake. It is not the time to lose hope, courage, or vision. Let’s keep our eyes on the prize. The whole world is waking up and creating this PERMANENT SHIFT to freedom and enlightenment. Let’s (re)connect our energies and plug it in the right socket.

I repeat. Keep the fight, but not in a way that leaves you out in the cold. This is no longer the time to self abandon.

Your SOUL (and all of humanity) can no longer be denied the FREEDOM it knows it is.

Pain of Purposelessness

I am struck today.

2 days in a row, I helped clients struggling with the pain of purposelessness.

I struggled with this pain too. In fact, save for the 15 years I was thriving as a single mom, I either was depressed or feeling some sense of not belonging, because I wasn’t clear on why the heck I even came to earth.

At the age of maybe 7 until 10, when I got reprimanded, or things got chaotic, or I felt totally abandoned and left out, I would go to bed in tears.

I would pray to God, sobbing, pleading, please just take me back. I want to come home. Please. Why did you send me here?

I’d forgotten about that period of my childhood where I would lay in bed, arms wide open to the side, my body shaped like a cross, my face down, refusing to live in this world of chaos and discord.

I went through childhood not relating to kids of same age, and just so I was not made fun of, I went along, mimicked their interests, but for the most part, I was content playing, talking with, and singing to myself.

High School, College and adulthood made me forget about my silent wish and prayer. I found my place in the academic world, graduated with honors, migrated with my family to Canada, and enjoyed the process of going out in the real world.

Then I found my purpose. Motherhood. Nothing swayed me from my purpose. Not the fact that my children’s father, my first husband, left me trapped, deportable and all alone here in the US 21 years ago. Not the fact that I had no family, no friends, no job, no financial and support from anybody.

I was on track. On course. I had no money in my purse, but I had a compelling future. I had a reason to live. I was on fire.

The pain of purposelessness started pricking me, which soon after turned into outright badgering, a mockery to my face, when I turned 40 and my kids seemed happy on their own, not needing me as much.

See, I lived for the week-ends. To spend as much time with my children as possible. To reclaim my childhood and joy I didn’t remember having.

And then, playdates became more important. And my whole identity built around the sole purpose of being a mom, crumbled. And I lost myself. I started to drift. And just focused on staying afloat. I simply rode with the waves not knowing how to navigate life or make it my own.

It is interesting that the clients who are drawn to me lately are the same. Strong and passionate. Ambitious and driven. They’ve overcome so much. They’ve accomplished so much.

And yet, they do not see themselves. They know, they are aware of what they can do, and that they can do it. But they are running out of steam. They are so lost in the pointlessness of it all.

One client who had invested quite a bit of time listening to motivational talks said, I’ve just been struggling and fighting so much, that the idea of owning my life, of navigating it to where I want to go, is such an alien concept. But I really have to break this cycle of storms and disasters.

When I questioned another client about what legacy he’d like to leave behind, he said, Tess, I have all these skills. I spent a ton of money investing on courses and training to make me be a better facilitator of transformation. But I feel empty inside. I have nothing to give. I don’t even know why I am here.

And again, just this morning, I heard the same theme. The pain of pointlessness of it all. Getting lost in the not knowing of the purpose.

And this is what inspired me to write about it. This pain of purposelessness.

This search for purpose has people go in searches, high and low, for love, for happiness, for contentment, for joy, in all the wrong places.

Why? Because we are asking the wrong question.

The question I was stuck in is – “What’s the point?”

And when I cannot answer that question, it disempowers me. It literally sets me off on a negative spiral… to bottomless despair and confusion.

Messages out there that preaches about “start with the why” pisses me right off.

Because it sends a message that you need a reason to be here. It might work for people who are clear with their purpose. But for people who are struggling to find their purpose, asking them for a why is a very self-defeating,  disempowering question.

I discovered that for my clients, WHY, just like my “What’s the point?” was the wrong first question to ask.

I’d been tossed around, thrown about by “fate” and “cosmic 2x4s” trying to get me to learn what I am about to share with you. And that is –

What if you don’t need a reason to be here?

What if, as a creator being, as an image and likeness of the Infinite Divine Intelligence, Love, Beauty, Creativity, you do not need a reason.

If God is within you, walking on earth as you, and through you, would God need a reason?

See how starting with WHY? is a trap. Because if you aren’t clear or connected with a noble purpose, you feel like a huge disappointment, a waste of space and time and energy.

Scrap WHY. For now. Why is the second question.

The first question is – WHAT?

What do you want to create?

As a creator being, born with your stubborn personality because you refuse to be reduced in a sea of conformity, what, as the face and of God would you like to create at this moment?

Feel the POWER of that.

Feel the TRUTH of that.

Feel your soul rejoicing saying YES, YES, YES.

So… What do you want to create and experience right this moment?

No need to be magnanimous about it. They really are simple answers.

Hmmmm…. What do I want to create and experience and express in this moment?

I choose to sprinkle joy, lightness and laughter in tense conversations.

I choose to experience peace and gratitude even when I am shoveling 10 inches of snow. Wow, to experience peace in the vastness of white, wow, I feel so close to my creator.

At this moment I am choosing to experience love even when my daughter is yelling at me. And when that fails, I choose to forgive myself because I am every bit of human.

Do you feel the freedom in that? That is the freedom you already have when you choose to exercise your POWER OF CHOICE.

What do I want?

What do I want to create?

What do I want to experience?

What does your heart and soul deeply long for to create and do and experience?

Ask your heart. Not your mind.

My clients, just like I did, got so used to living in struggle and safety and security, as dictated by the fear mentality of the mind, that they forgot that they have the Power of Choice. Built-in. Already. In the heart.

Now, after you asked WHAT, go ahead and ask WHY.

Connecting with the WHY of your WHAT creates a compelling future.

Just like my what. I wanted to be the best mom for my kids. Why? Because I want to give them a bright future. Why? Because I did not birth them so they struggle with life. Why? Because I want to give them what I was not given access to. Why? Because it is what my heart truly wants to do. I have dreamt of having kids since I was 17. I yearned for them. I dreamt about them. I want to give them a great head start in life.

THAT is what had me create from thoughts to things, from ideas to form, from invisible to visible… because I was connected with my WHAT and with my WHY.

When I got turned away from a crisis center with a 2 year old and a 4 month baby because I was not a US citizen (yet) and without my husband’s visa I was immediately deportable (but couldn’t leave or I will be charged with kidnapping) I did not have the luxury of time to ask WHY.

I knew my WHAT. And my WHY I already knew and started flooding back to me when I got clear on what I wanted for my kids.

The next questions are WHO and then HOW.

Who will you have to be to create/receive/generate what you want. Will you be fearful and doubtful? Or will you be a warrior, a goddess, a change-maker?

Only when you’ve connected with the first 3 questions, can you now access the HOW. Coz you are no longer functioning from need and lack. But from the knowingness that you can and you will and even if you don’t know how, you will find a way.

If you are struggling with the purposelessness of life, and would in need a sounding board, feel free to email me at Tess@OpenHeartMindCoaching.com

Enlightenment in layman’s terms

(As first published in January 2018 edition of Off The Cuff Ezine, written by Tess Vergara)

In my journey to awakening, I have encountered many people who doubt that enlightenment is possible for humanity. They doubt that it is possible for us mortals to actually transcend our ego.

Is there really such a thing as enlightenment?

Enlightenment in layman’s terms is simply bringing to light what was hidden, what was in the shadows, to make conscious of what we are unconscious of.

In this article, I wish to address that enlightenment is for everybody. That is, everybody who chooses to live awake and enlightened.

The decision to wake up, and the commitment behind that decision, really is the only criteria for transcending the mind, ego and emotions and consciously tread the path to enlightenment.

No longer do you have to stake stuck and feel split up or torn apart between spirit and matter. When you awake, it is totally possible to integrate both worlds and live in Unified Consciousness. It is totally your call, your choice, your decision, your creation.

leesiephotography .com

Spirituality and materiality are two sides of the same coin. Just like dark and light, and night and day. Just like heaven and earth, and Divine and human.

There’s a larger self already in you that is trying to emerge as only you can uniquely express. And absolutely! You can totally be this and more.

If you choose you. And choosing you means choosing to let go of everything that is not you.

Why choose you?

Because at some point, we realize our (unintegrated) mind and egos have become our prisons. And there’s not much of a choice left but to transcend it.

What is transcendence?

To transcend is to move beyond the ego, move beyond the limitations we bought into. And it is an unlayering process where you let go of the fears, doubts and limitations, some inherited, some installed by you, as a way to survive and feel acceptable, feel like we matter, feel like we are good enough.

Here’s what I mean in very simple terms.

Ego’s job is to save face and make you look good and acceptable, whether to play victim (inferior) or savior (superior).

Mind’s job is to protect you safe from the dangers of the unknown.

Before any of that, when you first came into being, you came into life pure and whole, full of light and full of joy.

Yet over time, like me, you received messages that you have to be good… or else.

You have to be good students, good helper, good caretaker. You have to strive to be more. You have to work hard and do more.

Coz if you fail to please or obey our parents, then there’s a consequence. A withdrawal of love and attention. There are no rewards. In fact, a punishment awaits you that lets you know you failed. You didn’t do a good job, you aren’t good enough, you’re not acceptable, you’re unloveable, unworthy and undeserving of love and attention.

That then became the filter through which you saw yourself and lived your life.

Then you got good at collecting evidence why you had to achieve more, do more, get more so you never ever have to feel the hurt and humiliation of rejection and unworthiness ever again.

But see, that’s a half baked truth. That’s an incomplete version of you. That’s not the whole you. That is just your personality acting like you, solidified by habituated patterns of survival, coping and defense mechanisms.

In other words.

A lie.

Created by the ego.

Born out of woundedness.

It’s not a complete picture.

Now here’s the good news.

We are living in an unprecedented time where we can totally transcend our ego and become whole again.

The reason people awaken is because they have finally stopped agreeing to things that insult their soul. ~ Anonymous

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There comes a time in our soul’s evolution that we have to let go of this personality, this mask, not to lose it forever, but to add the missing parts to it.

But first we have to let go and release it. And that is a terrifying concept. For who would you be if not the person you have known yourself to be.

I get it. But I hope you hear that there’s more to you than your mind and your ego. There’s more to you than your body. There’s more to you wanting and yearning to be let out and fully expressed and experienced.

To transcend the ego, means looking beyond the square walls of the box you kept yourself safe in.

To transcend the ego means detaching what it means for you to be

  • Responsible
  • Over giving
  • Handworker, or
  • Sickly
  • Helpless
  • Not smart enough
  • Or too smart for your own good

And then explore what it feels like to embrace the opposite

  • Irresponsible
  • Selfish
  • Lazy
  • Healthy
  • Resourceful

“Me? Lazy? Selfish? Irresponsible?”

“How can you say that when in fact I work 2 jobs, have a business on the side, and own rental properties. And, oh and by the way, I am raising my children singlehandedly.”

When I woke up, I was mad as hell to realize the reason I was working myself to death was because I really did not feel welcome in this world and I had to keep proving my worth for someone to finally see me and appreciate me.

I worked myself to death to prove I am an asset to my family and society and have a whole lot to contribute to the world.

Except… contribute to me.

On a conscious level, I thought I was smart and confident and funny and happy.

But deep down, I was constantly searching and seeking. Giving all of myself, hoping, praying, I will get reciprocated and refilled back up.

Which didn’t happen. Which left me exhausted. Depleted. Barely recognizable.

That brought me to a complete meltdown. Total breakdown. Burnt out to the ground. I was running on negative balance.

The personality I fought so hard upholding couldn’t even help me.

In fact, it abandoned me. Left me for dead.

Said I was useless. No good. Unfit to stick around.

“You might as well not be here.”

“You are just taking up space.”

“If you can’t even help yourself, what good are you to anybody?”

That’s when my Spirit pulled me up, and breathed life back into me.

That’s when all the false constructs dismantled and deconstructed.

That’s when my True Self showed me the way.

Coz now I finally could hear the Truth with a capital T.

Not the lies and distortions I held up as truth.

But the Divine Truth.

That who I AM is enough.

That who I AM is pure.

That who I AM is beyond the constructs of the mind and ego.

That who I AM lies deep within my heart I had walled up and barricaded.

And the awareness that nothing on the outside is more important than the truth I hold inside.

And the first step and key is to break down the wall and unlocking my own heart.

And fully awaken to all aspects of me.

Not just my light… but also my dark

Not just forced masculine I had to be… but invite back in my feminine

Not just the feminine, but evolve my masculine, I am both, not just one.

Not just my human, but bring in and trust the Divine as an intrinsic and inseparable aspect of me.

This is transcendence. This is enlightenment. Once you’ve built yourself back up from the inside out, then you can have all your unique personality and upbringing back.

Except you are no longer defined by it.

Who you are is no longer coming from a necessity to be a certain way.

No longer from a place of fighting or proving or defending.

But from a place of knowingness that who you are is irreducible, irreplaceable, abundant and infinite.

It’s the same you just from a whole different vibration and beingness.

It’s the same you just happier, fuller, real and authentic.

It’s the same you just no longer needing the external world to complete you or bring you happiness.

It’s the same you just no longer needing to get… but fully living your life as life itself.

You are awakened to never again feel like you don’t belong or you don’t matter.

You are awakened. To the truth of who you are.

You are awakened. To your own heart. To your own soul. To your own Spirit.

You are awakened. In Unified Consciousness. Knowing exactly why you came to be.

What you can’t say owns you…

I’m a fraud.

It’s true. In fact, we all are. We are all living a lie. An illusion.

But before I get to that, I want to just thank the inspiration behind this blog post.

This past week was a big week for me. It was bigger than I intended it to be. I’ve shared in previous blogs my love/hate relationship with video. And in the past couple of months, something bit me in the butt and said F*#% it! We’re just gonna do this.

I started doing monthly live money breakthrough coaching on video calls in January as an added membership bonus for my Facebook Group Community, Unlocking the Heart of Money.

Recently, I was also inspired to do a Facebook live video for my community, after all my word this year is COMMUNION, whom I challenged to do a 5-Day Manifest Challenge with me. It was a valid excuse to do a first Facebook Live video and I was both comforted and honored to lead the challenge and step way out of my comfort zone in so many levels.

Due to some streak of internet connection luck, depending on how you see it, my live feed froze at first attempt. When I re-connected, I was high as a kite and begging viewers to come back, haha, except unbeknownst to me, the video was livestreaming from my personal wall…

I talked to what I thought was an intimate audience very playfully and unguarded… My intention and focus was to connect with my 5-Day Manifest Challengers. I could see there were viewers, but I couldn’t see their posts.

Viewing the replay, I felt so sorry for the part of me that was excited to go to a party but felt left alone to entertain myself… I remember babbling and feeling confused at technology, wanting so much to connect with the viewers, which was my intention going on FB live to begin with.

I kept going coz despite not seeing their reactions, I could feel the strong connection with my audience. Finally, I got a text from my friend that reassured me there were hearts, comments and reactions and that I was coming through crisp and clear.

Only then did I completely let go so I can deliver the instructions to the game. All in all, except for the unmet desire to interact with the 5-Day Manifest Challengers, I had a really great time, unprecedented video experience teaching a topic I am so passionate about.

Except… I had to later deal with the shock that my first facebook live video, in all my giddiness and excitement and kinda “out there” teaching, was livestreaming not just to a handful, but to hundreds of family and friends and their friends.

Shock, awe and… flow. It took me a couple of times watching the replay to recover. I wondered about still having family and friends left. But in the end, I was proud of myself for speaking my truth, and stepping up and stepping out.  

On the video, I instructed the 5 Day Manifest challengers to do an exercise that produced tremendous awareness for me.

In doing the exercise, the young part of me, the one that prayed and prayed and wanted to die when I was a kid whenever there was a distressful situation at home, the same one who resurrected during my battle with depression and dark night of the soul, showed up again.

You can just imagine my excitement to finally embrace this part of me back to the oneness and wholeness of who I am… I shared on video that finally, I was able to tell this part of me, “you don’t have to die”. I was sooooooo thrilled and ecstatic to finally be free.

Then two things happened right after my Facebook Live video.

First, I received an email from a supposed admirer lusting after my body which I thought was a crafty, predatory email. Had I been vulnerable, I would have fallen hard on his carefully chosen word describing what delicious things he would do to my body if I gave him a chance to meet.

Like… seriously??? 

I exposed the letter online to warn others of its predatory intent and was shocked that not everyone saw it from my perspective. More shocking was a very angry response from one of my supposed Facebook friends whose picture is one of Buddha’s and who viciously attacked me. 

That person called me a fraud, among other things, and in lightning speed managed to spam my business and personal pages, and took great lengths to go to my website and deliver a message to save me from my lack of basic integrity and self responsibility.

I was surprisingly calm. I’ve learned long ago from several mentors that there will always be haters, hecklers and trolls, but my goodness, is this the price of stepping up and stepping out of my comfort zone?

I refuse to believe so.

Hurt people hurt people. That person must have been so triggered to react that way. And I admit I was also very triggering in my response. Although I didn’t take it personally, I also couldn’t just shrug my shoulders and pretend my world did not just get disrupted.

For me, everything that happens is both a learning and teaching moment.

People who give us problems and heartbreaks are bearers of eternal gift. ~ Tess Vergara

So I wrote a F*#% You letter to that person, not to send, but just a release process, then later burned, to transmute the energy.

I was not upset, at least not visibly. For heaven’s sake I just got assaulted online, so I must be upset but maybe not quite willing to give the my attacker the satisfaction that he got on my nerves.

Last thing I want is for that kind of energy to linger in my field or body so through this exercise, I accessed every bit and tinge of anger and darkness, particularly the unexpressed and unresolved, and gave it voice, so it can lay to rest.

This is a peace process I teach my clients. One should not sweep their emotions under the rug.

The next step I did was wrote a F*#% You letter to the part of me that just showed up again. The one that keeps wanting to die. That same one who keeps bailing on me, abandoning me, and had caused me more trouble than I have space to write in in this blog post.

It went like this:

F*% You! How did that feel? Did you like being ousted in public like that? It’s true! You are a fraud. You lack personal responsibility. You try to save everyone else but abandon me. You are always quitting on me! How dare you?………. I want you back. I really need you.

(Response) F*% You Too! How endearing of you to f*#% me off and then tell me you need me? Well, why bother living? Nothing ever turns out right! Nobody cares. Even you don’t give a shit. Nobody does……….. I am tired. I am tired of running away. I want to come home.

… it went on and on… until both parts came to a peaceful agreement and integration.

Again, this is a very strategic tool, not to further divide and separate, but meant to integrate all parts of the self so it can come to a place of peace, harmony, a space where every emotion and feeling has a right to be, and from that place, unity, and be at one with All That Is.

Yes, I am a fraud. Of course I am. I’d been denying myself the goodness and greatness of all that I Am. I have been pretending to play small and voiceless and powerless while I work myself to death to prove to the world that I am needed, worthy and enough. 

Aren’t you?

Are you showing up as authentically you? As all that you are meant to be? As your true self and highest potential?

I’m done with that. No more lies. No more of this bullshit. No more pretending.

I am enough. You are enough.

I am worthy. You are worthy.

I may every now and then succumb to the default program of human conditioning, ie, fear, lack and separation… but as long as I am conscious, awake and aware, I will always choose to live in alignment with the truth of who I Am. That’s the basic integrity I live by.

When I had my awakening several years ago, I promised myself that I will die trying to stay awake. Not always easy. But every single day, I make a commitment to freedom, awakening and enlightenment.

So thank you, dear attacker. You only deepened my desire to no longer live like a fraud.

Ever so consciously, ever so deliberately, I choose with every breath to every single moment create my reality in love, light and joy.

Because I am Divine.

And you are, too.

Lessons Learned at Big 5-0

I can’t believe I’m 50 today! I feel much younger and much more alive than when I was in my 30s.

Well… but of course… 20 years ago, I was a single mom, juggling 2 children, house chores and 2 jobs, bringing my kids to work, and bring work home… not so fun days especially when I was constantly misplacing my glasses, or my keys, or driving away with my coffee on top of the car.

Was it only 10 years ago when I found myself on my bathroom floor beginning to question what I was doing on earth, uncertain  whether or not I wanted to be here. It took a ski accident for me to wake up, look at the life I’d created, and start my journey back home to me.

Little did I know that moment was the beginning of a calling.

And now, I am excited to coach, speak, write, support more and more people waking up, and are consciously choosing to reclaim their power and raise their vibration to create a life they love to live.

The difference is night and day. A life of struggle, pushing and striving vs. a life of ease, grace and effortlessness. I feel on top of the world at 50, vibrationally, that is.

If someone told me in my 30s that I’d now be talking to angels and my Higher Self at 50, I would look at them funny and most likely avoid that person like a plague. Weren’t we told only the special and favored ones witness apparitions?

Bullshit. We are all special and divinely unique. Made in the image and likeness of God. We’d been fooled and trained since birth to believe we are less and that we are limited.

Total and utter bullshit. Yeah that’s me turning 50! Fully calling out what was never true but was drilled in our brain.

It took me a while to embrace the words blasphemy and sacrilegious. We are all children of God. Tell me what’s blasphemous about fully claiming and embodying that?

There’s a massive shift in consciousness happening now and more and more people are refusing to stay trapped in a hamster wheel, doing busy work and doing it all alone had long ago lost its appeal.

Suffering is not required any longer.Those who are unwilling to change and let go of the old way of grinding, proving and pushing things to happen, those who fight and resist change, are finding themselves struggling in emotional swings.

As a coach, and having a coach myself, I know first hand how quickly and effectively we can cut through insecurities,  uncertainties and unnecessary suffering as we ascend our consciousness and build a business and lifestyle in deeper alignment with our soul’s purpose.

So today, on my 50th birthday, I thought I’d share a few key things to guide you on your journey as well as help you avoid the mistakes I was doing that invited the cosmic 2x4s that woke me up.

Your well-being, finances and relationships need not take a hit. Simply be willing to relax the resistance, let go and let God.

#1. Gift yourself the time and space to honor and prioritize yourself.

With the everyday hustle and bustle and endless demands on us, learn to know what you want and what gives you joy and don’t be afraid to say no to anything that dims your spark and joy.

#2. Learn to love, accept and forgive yourself wholly, fully and unconditionally.

You gotta love yourself first. After all, how can you love thy neighbor as thyself if thy cup runs empty?

I was running on fumes and I had no awareness that the vibration I was putting out was dense and negative and nasty. And the nastier I got, the more i hated myself. And the more I hated myself, the more depressed I got. And the more depressed I got the nastier I got.

It didn’t take very long to spiral down to hell.

#3. You are not born to suffer.

Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. Don’t wait for someone to rescue you. Just like you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness, you and only you are responsible for your happiness.

Guilt, worry, control and manipulation will never equate to love. It always carries with it resentment. It will always feel empty and lacking… because it is coming from energy of lack.

#4. You cannot be financially free unless you yourself are free.

For me, nothing works unless I am in full alignment. If I am not in alignment, if I am out of integrity with myself, then I am just fooling myself, and will always live in split energy of internal conflict, and that’s the very definition of imprisonment in my personal experience.

#5. You are unique and unparalleled.

Your gifts, talents and genius are unlike any other. And so is your path. Your path is a unique path that only you can walk.  No cookie cutter approach will work. There are no shortcuts and spiritual bypass either. You are called to self-realization.

#5. Self love is key to self-realization.

Moreover,

  • Self love is the antidote to fear, lack and separation.
  • Self love is key to success, wealth and abundance.
  • Self love is key to healing and well being.
  • Self love is key to deeply fulfilling relationships.
  • Self love is key to spiritual enlightenment.
  • Self love is key to serving God and living your purpose.

Wow, that’s a lot of self love. You know why? Because you are what matters. When you love you, you love God and all of Creation. Think about it. What good would loving thy neighbor as thyself be if you are your own worst enemy? Self-love isn’t selfish, but is antidote to selfishness.

The shift in consciousness taking place on the planet right now can take you by surprise. Make sure you are taking care of you by loving yourself first.

If you are affected by the ascending energies intent on waking you up, or if you are feeling a pull, a strong calling to align your business and spirit, break through your upper financial limit, expand your reach and fulfill your purpose, I can help you create and execute a plan to make that happen. 

Apply for Aligning Inner and Outer Wealth Business Coaching Here.  

Here’s to celebrating life, love and ascension.

Happy Birthday to me.