HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Oh my gosh!
What a roller-coaster ride 2015 was with extreme highs and and extreme lows. It was mind-blowing, nerve-wracking, and heartwrenching, and full of breakthroughs and transformations.
Nature and divine interventions were my pattern interrupts… Just sayin’.
Yeah. It was that powerful and intense! My heart was broken freakin’ wide open that ripped all my defenses and false sense of security to unrecognizable shreds so I can finally rise above, like the phoenix rising from the ashes.
It was the best year of my life in terms of traveling the world and was also the most tumultuous since my wake up calls in 2009. Yes, plural. They were back to back to back to back all in one year. The Universe was REALLY intent on getting my attention at that time.
2015 was really a year of emptying and deep excavation, brilliantly disguised as fun and travel. Yup. My mind exploded its barriers and allowed me to open up and let loose to try new experiences and boldly conquer the world. Quite thrilling. Freeing. And empowering.
I can’t tell you how many times I gasped at the pure joy and glee of being in God’s presence. Everywhere I went there was an abundance of beauty, excitement, joy, peace and wonder. Even the raging waters, the force, the energy, was exquisite. In short, I experienced heaven.
And from heaven I was unceremoniously dropped to this heartwrenching time and space that broke the old me to pieces. Totally unprepared, I felt like breath and life was snuffed out of me and plunged to this deep, dark, unfamiliar place that shocked and rendered me powerless.
Once again, I was brought down to my knees. In total surrender. Yet this time was different. I was not asleep. I was wide awake heeding God’s call. I was a good girl doing the best that I could and was faithful to my intuition. I cried, “God, what am I still doing wrong?”
And right there… the minute I heard myself ask the question… was a moment of deep revelation and liberation.
All the deep, hard work and relentless practice of self-love and zero-self-judgment finally broke through my child’s tough exterior. She finally trusted me enough to reveal this level of hurt and pain.
“Wherever a strong lock is used,
There is something extremely precious hidden.”
The younger me, my wounded child, finally felt safe to voice out her pain and frustration: “I am being a good girl. What am I still doing wrong?“
I stayed with her, just breathing, no blame, no shame, no judgment. What she was really asking was: “Why do you forsake me? When will I be enough?”
I breathed with her as I felt her pain, sorrow and frustration. She’s a tough cookie. She had to be strong to raise her 2 children by herself and never bothered anyone for help… and now, finally, she let her guard down and showed me all the places she’d been hurting.
I knew I needed this level of healing. I even booked 2 back to back retreats in Hawaii to connect deeply with my inner child and Higher Self. But God in His infinite wisdom had a better plan and made sure I fully felt what I needed to heal. Lots of forgiveness on a whole deeper layer.
I can appreciate the Divine plan now, but not then. Oh my God. Did it ever hurt. To feel abandoned like a helpless child all over again. This part of me had disappeared at an early age, convinced nobody cared anyway if she ran away and died. I’m glad she is back now.
This is the greatest gift of 2015: WHOLENESS and INTEGRATION
I am so grateful for this level of healing that released the pain of abandonment from the depths of my being and allowed a lost part of me to come back to life. It is so freeing and enlightening to let go of what is false, to redeem my child’s innocence, and to set my spirit free.
That crisis situation, bad as it was, was a blessing in disguise. It has not, to this day, resolved itself and I can only release it to God. I’ve let it go and no longer has power over me. I no longer see it as God abandoning nor punishing me, nor a reflection of what I created or failed to do.
I am whole. And I am free.
Same is true with any external event that threatens to steal my peace and joy. They are just that – external. They can come and they can go. They can not, and never will, diminish the intrinsic value that I AM.
What comes into my consciousness has no power or meaning except what I give it. And things happen for a reason, and that it serves me. So I allow it, simply noticing, welcoming the gift of the present moment, and look for the feedback, solution, lesson or gift that is right in it.
Crisis situations in our life are there to wake us up. To shake us to the core, to make us realize where we are betraying, abandoning, and berating our own self, and to reveal a distorted thinking, a false belief, that there is something wrong with us.
This self criticism and negative self-concept leaves us in lack mentality and separated from our higher truth. It perpetuates a pattern of victimization and powerlessness by looking to the external world, anything outside of us, money, job, lover, as THE source of love and power.
We are each irreducibly unique expressions of the love and intelligence that is the initiating energy of all that is. This energy lives in you, as you and through you.
My travels, the deep connection with nature, and the initiations I received from the two back to back Awakening Higher Consciousness Retreats I attended in Hawaii had me go beyond mind’s comprehension that helped me reclaim my child’s innocence.
From all the emptying out to reclaim this child’s innocence, I was able to make room to birth the Christ-mass in me. To birth the heart and mind of God.
Hawaii opened up a whole new world for me. It’s a different vibration, a different feel. I can’t describe it other than this deep knowing that I am safe and fully supported.
I finally found the true peace, freedom, connection and oneness my soul had been yearning for all my life. I’ve never felt so whole, so full and so loved intimately by my Creator.
And now, as I write this and look back at my whole life connecting the dots… I am simply in awe of life… of Divine Wisdom and the infinite perfection of All That Is…
It is unfathomable, yet truly humbling that all of humanity is evolving through us, through our Unique Self serving as God’s eyes, heart, mouth, hands, ears…
Through all of our consciousness, individually and collectively, all of the Universe is ever expanding, always unfolding, constantly shifting, to bring about what we ourselves are birthing and creating through our manifested desires.
Do you ever think of that? YOU and I, in this human form, whether or not we are conscious of it, are in cahoots with the Universe, and we are participating to orchestrate God’s Infinite and Divine Plan. Isn’t that cool?
I knew I was blessed. Yet from this deeper and higher perspective, oh my God, we are all so very blessed. We are so loved. Without end. There’s nothing we could do to make God love us any less. We really cannot mess it up.
So why not show up and allow the fullest expression and experience of God as our Unique Self? Why not lose the resistance and let life take you to places you’ve never been?
And that is my my life’s mission. To help awaken greatness and joy to those yearning for more fulfillment in life – more aliveness, more meaning, more love, more freedom.
And I am really glad I got to share how to flow with emotional upheavals so they don’t turn into a baggage that take us out of alignment and block us from fully experiencing and expressing God as our Unique Self.
Key points to remember from 12 Days of Christmas video series:
– We can’t heal what we don’t feel.
– Emotions are simply energy in motion. “This too shall pass”.
– Negative or Positive, allow it to rise without blame, shame or judgment.
– Don’t deny the negative emotion by thinking “I should be positive” and “I should accept what is”.
Remove “should” altogether from your vocabulary and be present with how you really feel. Just get curious and listen instead of automatically shutting down what you really want.
Denying yourself, your emotion, and shoulding yourself to be positive when that’s not how you feel, creates conflict and separation within yourself and throws you out of alignment. Self denial makes you feel and feel less than whole.
It invites self-doubt, anxiety and distrust, which you then project out into the world, which will then manifest as an imbalance in your life by form of illness, health challenges, financial struggle, relationship breakdown and spiritual depression.
On the other hand, Learning to allow, and not resist, the natural flow of life will help you create a life of ease and grace. Life can be effortless once you learn to master the art of allowing and being present. Simply allow without judgment, blame and negativity.
This is the key to higher fulfillment and infinite possibilities.
Only through unconditional self-love can you both honor yourself through any emotion you’re in, and be present with what unfolding in your life in the present moment. It’s truly is miraculous when you are present with the present moment.
My wish for you this New Year is that you allow yourself to fully express and experience life’s miraculous wonders. Without apology. Without inhibition. Without needing a reason. You deserve so much more in life. Don’t let it pass you by.
Here’s to raising our vibration in 2016 and may it be a start to a limitless living, and limitless way of being. Happy New Year.
Awake, Alive, Audacious.