Author Archives: Tess

What you can’t say owns you…

I’m a fraud.

It’s true. In fact, we all are. We are all living a lie. An illusion.

But before I get to that, I want to just thank the inspiration behind this blog post.

This past week was a big week for me. It was bigger than I intended it to be. I’ve shared in previous blogs my love/hate relationship with video. And in the past couple of months, something bit me in the butt and said F*#% it! We’re just gonna do this.

I started doing monthly live money breakthrough coaching on video calls in January as an added membership bonus for my Facebook Group Community, Unlocking the Heart of Money.

Recently, I was also inspired to do a Facebook live video for my community, after all my word this year is COMMUNION, whom I challenged to do a 5-Day Manifest Challenge with me. It was a valid excuse to do a first Facebook Live video and I was both comforted and honored to lead the challenge and step way out of my comfort zone in so many levels.

Due to some streak of internet connection luck, depending on how you see it, my live feed froze at first attempt. When I re-connected, I was high as a kite and begging viewers to come back, haha, except unbeknownst to me, the video was livestreaming from my personal wall…

I talked to what I thought was an intimate audience very playfully and unguarded… My intention and focus was to connect with my 5-Day Manifest Challengers. I could see there were viewers, but I couldn’t see their posts.

Viewing the replay, I felt so sorry for the part of me that was excited to go to a party but felt left alone to entertain myself… I remember babbling and feeling confused at technology, wanting so much to connect with the viewers, which was my intention going on FB live to begin with.

I kept going coz despite not seeing their reactions, I could feel the strong connection with my audience. Finally, I got a text from my friend that reassured me there were hearts, comments and reactions and that I was coming through crisp and clear.

Only then did I completely let go so I can deliver the instructions to the game. All in all, except for the unmet desire to interact with the 5-Day Manifest Challengers, I had a really great time, unprecedented video experience teaching a topic I am so passionate about.

Except… I had to later deal with the shock that my first facebook live video, in all my giddiness and excitement and kinda “out there” teaching, was livestreaming not just to a handful, but to hundreds of family and friends and their friends.

Shock, awe and… flow. It took me a couple of times watching the replay to recover. I wondered about still having family and friends left. But in the end, I was proud of myself for speaking my truth, and stepping up and stepping out.  

On the video, I instructed the 5 Day Manifest challengers to do an exercise that produced tremendous awareness for me.

In doing the exercise, the young part of me, the one that prayed and prayed and wanted to die when I was a kid whenever there was a distressful situation at home, the same one who resurrected during my battle with depression and dark night of the soul, showed up again.

You can just imagine my excitement to finally embrace this part of me back to the oneness and wholeness of who I am… I shared on video that finally, I was able to tell this part of me, “you don’t have to die”. I was sooooooo thrilled and ecstatic to finally be free.

Then two things happened right after my Facebook Live video.

First, I received an email from a supposed admirer lusting after my body which I thought was a crafty, predatory email. Had I been vulnerable, I would have fallen hard on his carefully chosen word describing what delicious things he would do to my body if I gave him a chance to meet.

Like… seriously??? 

I exposed the letter online to warn others of its predatory intent and was shocked that not everyone saw it from my perspective. More shocking was a very angry response from one of my supposed Facebook friends whose picture is one of Buddha’s and who viciously attacked me. 

That person called me a fraud, among other things, and in lightning speed managed to spam my business and personal pages, and took great lengths to go to my website and deliver a message to save me from my lack of basic integrity and self responsibility.

I was surprisingly calm. I’ve learned long ago from several mentors that there will always be haters, hecklers and trolls, but my goodness, is this the price of stepping up and stepping out of my comfort zone?

I refuse to believe so.

Hurt people hurt people. That person must have been so triggered to react that way. And I admit I was also very triggering in my response. Although I didn’t take it personally, I also couldn’t just shrug my shoulders and pretend my world did not just get disrupted.

For me, everything that happens is both a learning and teaching moment.

People who give us problems and heartbreaks are bearers of eternal gift. ~ Tess Vergara

So I wrote a F*#% You letter to that person. I was not upset but for heaven’s sake I just got assaulted online. Last thing I want is for that kind of energy to linger in my field. I accessed any tinge of anger or darkness, unexpressed and unresolved, and gave it voice, so it can lay to rest.

This is a peace process I teach my clients. One should not sweep their emotions under the rug.

The next step I did was wrote a F*#% You letter to the part of me that just showed up again. The one that keeps wanting to die. That same one who keeps bailing on me, abandoning me, and had caused me more trouble than I have space to write in in this blog post.

It went like this:

F*% You! How did that feel? Did you like being ousted in public like that? It’s true! You are a fraud. You lack personal responsibility. You try to save everyone else but abandon me. You are always quitting on me! How dare you?………. I want you back. I really need you.

(Response) F*% You Too! How endearing of you to f*#% me off and then tell me you need me? Well, why bother living? Nothing ever turns out right! Nobody cares. Even you don’t give a shit. Nobody does……….. I am tired. I am tired of running away. I want to come home.

… and so on, and so forth… until they come to a peaceful agreement and integration.

Again, this is a very strategic tool, not to further divide and separate, but meant to integrate all parts of the self so it can come to a place of peace, harmony, a space where every emotion and feeling has a right to be, and from that place, unity, and be at one with All That Is.

Yes, I am a fraud. Of course I am. I’d been denying myself the goodness of all that I Am. I have been pretending to play small and voiceless and powerless so I can kill myself proving to the world that I am worthy and enough. 

Aren’t you?

No more. No more of this bullshit. No more pretending.

I am enough. You are enough.

I am worthy. You are worthy.

I may every now and then succumb to the human nature of limitation, fear and isolation… but as long as I am conscious, awake and aware, I will always choose to live in alignment with the truth of who I Am. That’s the basic integrity I live by.

When I had my awakening several years ago, I promised myself that I will die trying to stay awake. Not always easy. But every single day, I make a commitment to freedom, awakening and enlightenment.

Ever so consciously, ever so deliberately, I choose with every breath to every single moment create my reality in love, light and joy.

Because I am Divine.

And you are, too.

Lessons Learned at Big 5-0

I can’t believe I’m 50 today! I feel much younger and much more alive than when I was in my 30s.

Well… but of course… 20 years ago, I was a single mom, juggling 2 children, house chores and 2 jobs, bringing my kids to work, and bring work home… not so fun days especially when I was constantly misplacing my glasses, or my keys, or driving away with my coffee on top of the car.

Was it only 10 years ago when I found myself on my bathroom floor beginning to question what I was doing on earth, uncertain  whether or not I wanted to be here. It took a ski accident for me to wake up, look at the life I’d created, and start my journey back home to me.

Little did I know that moment was the beginning of a calling.

And now, I am excited to coach, speak, write, support more and more people waking up, and are consciously choosing to reclaim their power and raise their vibration to create a life they love to live.

The difference is night and day. A life of struggle, pushing and striving vs. a life of ease, grace and effortlessness. I feel on top of the world at 50, vibrationally, that is.

If someone told me in my 30s that I’d now be talking to angels and my Higher Self at 50, I would look at them funny and most likely avoid that person like a plague. Weren’t we told only the special and favored ones witness apparitions?

Bullshit. We are all special and divinely unique. Made in the image and likeness of God. We’d been fooled and trained since birth to believe we are less and that we are limited.

Total and utter bullshit. Yeah that’s me turning 50! Fully calling out what was never true but was drilled in our brain.

It took me a while to embrace the words blasphemy and sacrilegious. We are all children of God. Tell me what’s blasphemous about fully claiming and embodying that?

There’s a massive shift in consciousness happening now and more and more people are refusing to stay trapped in a hamster wheel, doing busy work and doing it all alone had long ago lost its appeal.

Suffering is not required any longer.Those who are unwilling to change and let go of the old way of grinding, proving and pushing things to happen, those who fight and resist change, are finding themselves struggling in emotional swings.

As a coach, and having a coach myself, I know first hand how quickly and effectively we can cut through insecurities,  uncertainties and unnecessary suffering as we ascend our consciousness and build a business and lifestyle in deeper alignment with our soul’s purpose.

So today, on my 50th birthday, I thought I’d share a few key things to guide you on your journey as well as help you avoid the mistakes I was doing that invited the cosmic 2x4s that woke me up.

Your well-being, finances and relationships need not take a hit. Simply be willing to relax the resistance, let go and let God.

#1. Gift yourself the time and space to honor and prioritize yourself.

With the everyday hustle and bustle and endless demands on us, learn to know what you want and what gives you joy and don’t be afraid to say no to anything that dims your spark and joy.

#2. Learn to love, accept and forgive yourself wholly, fully and unconditionally.

You gotta love yourself first. After all, how can you love thy neighbor as thyself if thy cup runs empty?

I was running on fumes and I had no awareness that the vibration I was putting out was dense and negative and nasty. And the nastier I got, the more i hated myself. And the more I hated myself, the more depressed I got. And the more depressed I got the nastier I got.

It didn’t take very long to spiral down to hell.

#3. You are not born to suffer.

Pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. Don’t wait for someone to rescue you. Just like you are not responsible for someone else’s happiness, you and only you are responsible for your happiness.

Guilt, worry, control and manipulation will never equate to love. It always carries with it resentment. It will always feel empty and lacking… because it is coming from energy of lack.

#4. You cannot be financially free unless you yourself are free.

For me, nothing works unless I am in full alignment. If I am not in alignment, if I am out of integrity with myself, then I am just fooling myself, and will always live in split energy of internal conflict, and that’s the very definition of imprisonment in my personal experience.

#5. You are unique and unparalleled.

Your gifts, talents and genius are unlike any other. And so is your path. Your path is a unique path that only you can walk.  No cookie cutter approach will work. There are no shortcuts and spiritual bypass either. You are called to self-realization.

#5. Self love is key to self-realization.

Moreover,

  • Self love is the antidote to fear, lack and separation.
  • Self love is key to success, wealth and abundance.
  • Self love is key to healing and well being.
  • Self love is key to deeply fulfilling relationships.
  • Self love is key to spiritual enlightenment.
  • Self love is key to serving God and living your purpose.

Wow, that’s a lot of self love. You know why? Because you are what matters. When you love you, you love God and all of Creation. Think about it. What good would loving thy neighbor as thyself be if you are your own worst enemy? Self-love isn’t selfish, but is antidote to selfishness.

The shift in consciousness taking place on the planet right now can take you by surprise. Make sure you are taking care of you by loving yourself first.

If you are affected by the ascending energies intent on waking you up, or if you are feeling a pull, a strong calling to align your business and spirit, break through your upper financial limit, expand your reach and fulfill your purpose, I can help you create and execute a plan to make that happen. 

Apply for Aligning Inner and Outer Wealth Business Coaching Here.  

Here’s to celebrating life, love and ascension.

Happy Birthday to me.

 

 

 

 

A look back into 2016. Thank you.

Wow, where to start?

I haven’t been blogging a lot. Or at all. I’ve kept a lot inside really focusing on connecting with my inner strength, or strengthening my deeper connection. I had to let go of all the outside voices, noises, the seductive come-hither of the shiny, materialistic world, and just shut them all down.

The year prior, 2015, was quite an intense year spiritually speaking. I came face to face with, breathed as one with, all the while marvelously experiencing and expressing the very presence of Presence itself when I said goodbye to my old environment.

The lure of seeing new places, at the same time dealing with a lot of unknowns, were both shocking and liberating to my system. It was like being simultaneously dipped into fire and then lifted up to the highest height and then dunked again, each time fighting for air yet also breathing new life.

Each round faster and faster, over and over, twisting and turning, unraveling, unlayering, unbecoming…deconstructing and renewing happening all at the same time, until I fully let go and lose all grip on what I once believed was my reality…

I was left standing in my own nakedness to my most real, most raw, most vulnerable, yet also most powerful and invincible that I can be… so I can just be… to finally become the being I was meant to be…

Stripped down to the very essence, this feeling of finally belonging yet feeling absolutely free, is what I had been yearning for, what had been calling to me, my whole life long. The most authentic and truest version of who I really am… right here… inside… right now… in my core.

“As you dissolve into love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about loving; you’re just being love, radiating like the sun.”

— Ram Dass

tessmoa

The energy of 2016 came with a different flavor. It was a year of faithfully staying true to this core… To my soul… To my commitment – Freedom, Awakening, Enlightenment.

The only words that made sense anymore were –

Surrendered Flow
Embodied Light
Unity Consciousness
Christed Heart
Divinity in Action

2016 wasn’t the time to push and furiously make things happen, I couldn’t even if I wanted to… after all, I was programmed so badly to push, push, and push and make things happen.

But 2016 was a different kind of lesson… It was more about managing, mastering, my own vibration… not by doing but by radiating that surge of power I found already within… and vibrate higher, and even higher still…

Spirit had me deep in stillness, in beingness, in the fullness of allowing, and trusting, and opening to ease and effortlessness of Divine Grace. It was a totally foreign concept yet it was home on so many levels, so deeply familiar yet all so brand new.

I had no words to articulate any of my weird comings and goings. Which is why I put the pen down, figuratively. I wrote… a lot… just didn’t have the impulse or need to explain or share what I was going through with anyone.  For how can I articulate what I myself didn’t understand.

It simply just was… a continual sweet release and surrender… and being fully filled.. full-fill… just like the breath… it was a full cycle, a natural rhythm… a life of its own… no efforting required… simply an allowing for the very breath to breathe me… and flow thru, in me, as me.

I found that what I had been writing, which I thought was my book, was really more for my edification and enlightenment And when I finally did receive the impulse to share my journey, oh boy, was the energy furious, undeniable and unmistakable.

It was like creation wanting to birth and complete itself. A whole new level of creativity and excitement filled me.

The past couple of months was intensely poured rewriting my book – FEARLESS LOVE: Unlocking the Power of the Heart. I had to start from scratch to capture this new energy in all its rawness and power that had been slowly incubating and growing and now ready to be birthed.

The book writing, on it’s own, has been truly cathartic and transformative. It was an added layer and depth as well as a new lens with which to reveiw and look into my life revealing more and more unraveling, unlayering, unbecoming, deeper and deeper layers and dimensions now connecting the many dots firing up, lighting up my whole being.

What I found truly mesmerizing and mind blowing is/was watching serendipity and synchronicity in constant play. I look back at the perfection of Divine Order always unfolding, always correcting, always inviting, yet always waiting for our free will activation, and yet always, always, always happening in Divine Right Timing in accordance with the perfection of Divine Plan. No words. Simply in awe of the magnificence of it all.

Oh it wasn’t all bliss… there were moments of terror… of feeling cutoff from the world that I knew and loved… of feeling so separate… a stranger, even in my own body…. only to have deeper insights, higher realization, fuller expression hit me each time I successfully ride the waves and not hit the panic button.

It was the absolute and highest form of self-trust, self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, self-forgiveness… an epic love story… feeling thoroughly and utterly loved even in the stormiest of all storms… the human and divine in me merging as one…

2016 was the year I’d truly seen the light and simultaneously become the light, just as I’ve felt incredibly loved and have become love itself.

Thank you, 2016, for this metamorphosis. I had waited my whole life for this.

When I myself a promise before that I will be “settled” when I’m 50, I had no idea it was loaded with profundity. Amazing to look back and connect the dots and see how we truly create our reality. The unspoken desires… The truth underneath it all.

Now I am ready to fly.

Awake, Alive, Audacious

Emotional Swings?

It’s crazy! So many people are coming to me sharing their fear, frustration and confusion with the ups and downs of their emotions that have them feeling out of control, extremely sensitive, and losing their mind with excessive fear and worry.

The air is just so dense with relentless bouts of sickness, anxiety, depression, worry, hopelessness, fear, confusion, fuzziness, loneliness, emptiness and meaninglessness.

They are asking for help wondering WTH is going on???

Well, how can we not? Let’s for a second take a look at the current world we’re living in. We are constantly bombarded by negative news around the world over-sensationalizing terrorism, hate crimes, racism, gun violence, rigged voting, devastation and greed… and on and on.

And it doesn’t help that the planets are in retrograde. On top of all that, according to spaceweather.com, cosmic rays are intensifying, and the earth’s magnetic field is changing. Damn. The energies are bringing up ugly and uncomfortable stuff we’d rather not look at.

It’s like there’s nowhere to hide. The Universe is having a ginormous clear-out event. One minute there I was laughin’, high-fivin’ and high spirted, and then the next I just wanted to curl up in a ball.

Breathe…

“We are moving through this period of pain, darkness and depression aligned with an incredible light and a beautiful gift” ~ Marianne Williamson

We are going through a deep purge to heal, forgive, and release what isn’t our true nature which is love and light. Humanity is being freed from its shackles. And it is bringing much confusion, anger and pain.

The intense cosmic light showers are helping us let more light in to dissolve what we are not. A rapid awakening process is taking place guiding us back home to our true state which is joy, to our true nature which is love.

Everything is changing. Many are feeling lost and confused and in deep pain. Whatever does not serve us any longer has to go and that may include relationships, careeers, traditions, identity and emotions that we are hanging on to but are keeping us stuck in lower vibration.

But I thought we’ve cleared all that?

Well… there’s human evolution for you. And… we’re also releasing not just our own personal baggage but all of humanity’s. With all the energies we have been receiving, we are purging at a very deep level, personally and collectively, to shift into higher consciousness of love.

For those who are feeling like everything is going wrong and falling apart, here’s what I know. Resistance is futile. If you wall up in self protection, suffering only gets prolonged unnecessarily. Healing and transformation goes way faster if you don’t resist it.

And boy do I know about resistance. It took a ski accident for me to finally wake up and really look at my life, where I was unknowingly stuck in fear, victimhood and lack. I had no idea I was sleepwalking most of my life. Quite a rude awakening yet so very grateful for it.

Resisting change can adversely affect your health, relationships, finances and eat away your peace of mind.

Here’s some nuggets I’ve collected over the years that helped soften my stubborn ways, dissolve resistance and quickly get through what seems like a never-ending emotionally confronting energetic transmission and activation.

1. Self awareness is key. If you are feeling something is off, take a pause. Feel into what is making you uncomfortable. Try not to numb, suppress or deny the rising discomfort. Relax into it, don’t attach any meaning or make yourself wrong. Just lovingly observe and allow it to move through.

2. You can’t heal what you don’t feel.  The triggers are showing you where your thoughts, beliefs and actions are out of alignment. Repressed feelings come up because they are on their way out. Feel it. Don’t shut it down, breathe through it, and it will find its way out.

3. Forgive. Send love and compassion particularly to those who just love to push your buttons. Do this not for their sake but yours. Hint: unbeknownst to you, they are angels in disguise reflecting back to you denied and disowned parts of yourself longing to come back home.

4. Express gratitude for the gift of difficult emotions. It’s counter-intuitive but as you see the gift in the experience, you can easily emerge on the other side where peace, joy and freedom await.

5. Be resilient. Rather than giving in to your default negative emotion (fear, anger, worry), tap into what you’d rather create or experience, and focus on amplifying this vibration and then train your mind to collect evidence that support this more expansive energy.

6. Fear is physical, so scan where it is showing up in your body, listen and acknowledge its concerns. Release through journaling, or perhaps confiding to someone. Once you express it and call it out, fear loses power over you. Feel the fear, then do it anyway.

7. Honor your body. If it wants to rest, rest. If you want to be alone, honor that and spend time grounding in nature. If you are restless and can’t sleep, then follow the energy and get creative and take action. Flow with your natural rhythm. Do what you love and brings you joy.

8. Trust your heart and your inner guidance. Know that everything is divinely perfect. Don’t believe everything your mind tells you. It’s job is to keep you safe, so everytime you are walking into the unknown, it will convince you to retreat. Tune in to your heart and set your spirit free.

9. Vibrate higher. Fear is contagious, but so is unconditional love. Fulfill your destiny from the energy of love, trust, joy and allowing. Only by shifting ourselves can we be the light the world needs for greater peace, enlightenment and freedom.

Here’s to freedom, awakening and enlightenment. Take care of you. Namaste.

 

What I experienced from Money Breakthrough

I was just at my Business School’s, Thrive Academy‘s 3-day Money Breakthrough Event.  As a Strategic Interventionist who coach on wealth creation, emotional mastery and spiritual awakening, this is an event I look forward to the most.

Money breakthrough is more than just recognizing what limiting beliefs you have about money. It is going deeper and getting in alignment with your true nature and releasing from a cellular level what no longer serves you.

Thrive

Watching my business mentor, Jesse Koren, wield his mastery and facilitate transformation is such a treat. He delivers it with so much heart, and compassion while delicately maintaining and balancing the energy of the sensitive hearts in the room. I learn so much from him.

The breakthrough I personally experienced was manifold. I grew up watching my mom suffer and promised myself I will never be a doormat, a punching bag, nor rely on a man, any man for my safety and security. Hence I’d been wearing a superwoman cape.

Underneath the strong persona, however, is a lifelong pattern that I’ve written many times about, the false belief that “I am alone”. I’ve made tremendous strides identifying and interrupting this limiting pattern, but this time, I want to be rid of it once and for all.

I started out really engaged and fully participating at first. I loved how people welcomed me back after being gone for almost a year. After a while, however, after raising my hand the entire day and not called on, I felt my bubble burst. I felt a sense of defeat. 

I was very present to an old thought pattern that said nobody was interested with what I had to say, that I was not that important, or I was not a favorite. For an aspiring international speaker, this is a setback, yes? I was aware my inner 5 year old kid was acting up.

The urge to have a tantrum and run to my room and slam the door was so strong. I don’t enjoy being somewhere I wasn’t wanted but I also recognize this is a pattern and my mind is making it up.

So I vacillated from being conscious to being unconscious. It was exhausting to watch myself split into two and constantly catch myself to reconnect back with the group. It’s time for major integration. Go beyond awareness to full embodiment that I am not alone.

Thrive

One of the exercises helped me tremendously. I was still confused at what just transpired onstage, was still processing, when we were asked to do a partner exercise. State Mastery is part of my training with Anthony Robbins Mastery University so I shifted on cue.

But what was neat was to notice on top of flipping on my inner switch was the ability to quickly drop down to my heart and silence the mind. This is a new muscle I’d been playing with since Europe and Hawaii. And a huge new insight I was excited about.

To feel in my body that I have full control, that I and only I can flip on or off my power switch, quickly drop down in my heart, and also notice a shift in my partner’s state in reaction to how I was being was huge. This is a very powerful tool to take back your power in any situation.

Picture this, in the face of adversity, or, when a person is scowling disapprovingly in front of you, do you back off and dim your light, or do you turn on your light so bright that he has no choice but to shift?

External sources cannot control you unless you decide it. You and only you have control over your inner switch. Really. Your only job is to manage your energy. Everything else will shift and right itself when you step into your light and raise your vibration.

I played with this in all the partner exercises, and it was empowering to see my partners shift state and light up as well. We all went beyond role playing. It was a heart to heart, soul to soul communication. One’s transformation also elevated and freed the other. It was powerful.

See, In Oneness Consciousness, everyone is another you. There is no other. We are all mirrors of each other’s light and shadows. I believe that every person who has made us suffer has done it for love whether or not they realize it.

Conversely, when we have hurt someone, we too have done it for love. I always say even Judas had a role in God’s greater plan in the human evolution to higher consciousness. It’s time to fully forgive yourself and reclaim your innocence.

At every moment, every experience is inviting us to look within and let go of past hurts and unforgiveness. Our complicated relationships and discontent are all signs pointing us to where we need healing and breakthroughs.

Towards the end, I did get called on stage to briefly share what I wanted to breakthrough. By then, I was a hot mess. I felt so raw and vulnerable exposing a part of me that got squashed each time I wore my superwoman cape.

And the love and support from everyone melted my resistance and the cape. The safe space allowed me to simply ask for the oneness and belonging I was craving for. No judgment. Just pure love. And it felt good to release the junk and step into a whole new way of being.

The 3-day event was simply amazing. And I am so thankful and so blessed for the experience of great leadership and mastery by Jesse and by the Love Consciousness that is the Thrive Community.

If you are a coach, healer or holistic practitioner who wish to break free of your gremlins and grow your business, you might like to check Thrive Academy, run by a husband and wife team, absolutely brilliant, Jesse Koren and Sharla Jacobs.

They’ve now taught thousands and thousands of conscious entrepreneurs how to take their practice to the next level. Check out their generous offer of a full scholarship here: Client Attraction Summit

So, here’s my questions for you –

What does your deep heart really, really want – and what will you have to let go of to get it?

Which relationships, habits, patterns are sucking your life force energy leaving you drained, empty and un-full-filled?

Are you ready to to step into your own light?

Click here to schedule a free 45 minute Get Unstuck Breakthrough Session or email me at Tess@openheartmindcoaching.com and Awaken to Freedom and Light. 

 

Come out, Come out and Play!

I recently attended Dr. Minette Riordan’s Creative Entrepreneur’s Path to Profit Summit and was blown away by the whole experience.

See, I have been getting a lot of nudges and new awareness that I just might be a creative entrepreneur. Could it be true? I honestly couldn’t see it. So when i heard of Minette’s 3-day event, and since I am here in L.A., I quickly took the opportunity and signed up.

Right after signing up, I was sent an assessment that sure enough confirmed that indeed,  I am a creative. Sure, I can sing and dance, and both my daughters are talented artists, but me? I was intrigued, doubtful, but also resigned. After all this was not the first assessment that said so.

I attended the event with no expectations but with an open heart and mind. The minute I walked in the room where Path to Profit Summit was, I was immediately at home. It was like a family reunion with my tribe from Thrive Academy AND then…

My inner child leaped out in joy when I saw the colorful art supplies and workbook on the table, plus a goody bag filled with sketch book, crayons, inspirational cards, nuts and chocolates JUST FOR ME.

Minnette

Oh my. My very own sketch book! I don’t remember ever having one.

Money was tight growing up so I was not allowed to doodle, color or waste paper. I got the fear of waste and lack imprinted on me and I carried this limiting belief until I had kids of my own. I worked 2 jobs as sole provider and encourage my kids to be pursue art, among others.

Looking at the supplies, I immediately felt uncomfortable at the thought of wasting them which was funny, really. After years in personal and spiritual development training, I realized I never gave myself the same permission and encouragement that I gave to my kids.

I shared this insight with Minette and she assured me not to worry about wasting anything, and that I can have as much supplies as I needed. I was soon overcome by giddiness. I was a kid all over again. I let go of any trepidation until the big sheet of paper came.

It was a huge piece of paper. I had no idea where to start. I was thoroughly amused with myself. I felt like an eager child, but clueless. What if I messed up? What if my work turned awful? I laughed it off and stayed connected with my child’s uninhibited joy and freedom to create.

On Day 2 I started getting nit-picky. I asked for a new big sheet. Then again. And again. We all laughed about it and enjoyed a playful banter. In a room full of heart-centered entrepreneurs, I felt safe. And seen. I loved it. It was pure fun and play.

But it wasn’t lost on me that maybe I was getting a bit too uptight. Was perfectionism, or feeling not good enough, derailing me? Hmmm… I dismissed both because as I stared at my work, something was missing. It was supposed to be my business mandala… but I felt bleh.

Yup. BLEH. And no, it wasn’t judgment or lack of appreciation for my work. If anything, it was a knowing that I could do better. If my business mandala was to inspire me to take action, then it has to speak to me, move me, ignite me… NOT feel bleh.

I kept at it until I felt the confidence of the artist in me, until I felt connected to her creative energy, this creative source deeply hidden in me. Finally, after 5th try, my business mandala came to life – a true reflection of me and my business. And I am so proud of my creation.

path to profit mandala

me after several tries, making a face at my friend who was teasing me 🙂

Ever since my trip to Europe, Hawaii, and now L.A., my life has gone to a whole new dimension that is wildly rewarding and exciting, yet with lots of uncertainty. Everyday was a balancing act between a test of will power and faith. I call it surrendered flow.

And after 9 months of this wild roller-coaster ride, learning and embodying one lesson after another, I came to a beautiful conclusion that I was so blessed to experience at this creative summit.

This was beautifully summarized in Oprah and Deepak’s recently concluded 21-day meditation:

“I AM THE PLAYFULNESS OF CREATION”

soul collage

That’s what we did for 3 full days. For me it was a wildly unprecedented and much needed pattern interrupt. Do you know how exciting it is realize that the usual voice that said “you are wasting time” or “stop fooling around” was gone? Yes. That voice. Gone!

This creative business summit really helped me focus, not just on my business, but in bringing back and embodying my never before tapped in creativity and unabashed joyfulness. A concept not new to my kids and their generation, but definitely new to me! Experientially. So fun.

So here’s my question for you –

Is there an aspect of you that needs waking up or remembering? Sometimes, out of need or survival, we become conditioned and attached to a certain type of identity when in fact there’s so much more untapped potential in each and everyone of us.

What’s preventing you from fully discovering and expressing all of who you are?

What fixed beliefs are limiting the greatness that you are?

You are already whole, perfect and complete. You just need to peel away layers of old beliefs and let go of any attachment to what you might be thinking is your identity. You are much, much more, more creative, more powerful, than you think you are.

My hope is that we all learn to relax the resistance to our greatness, and simply give in to the creativity and brilliance wanting to emerge as our creator selves.

And if you feel called to try this summit and allow your inner child to come out and play, I am sure Minette would love to have you at her next Creative Entrepreneur’s Path to Profit Summit. She is unbelievably generous and brilliant at what she does.

To freedom! To Express… Create… Expand.. to the greatness inside all of us.

12 Days of Christmas Videos 8-12

Whew! At first I did not want to do the video because I was getting all emotional about the holidays. I waited until I felt better else I would have failed on the commitment and follow through. I needed to re-establish self-trust. So I shot the video.

And then, when I saw how raw and vulnerable I looked in the video, I almost did not want to publish it. I almost bought into the fear that I will be judged as inadequate or incapable in my work as an Awakening Coach. Which is BS! So I published and shared it anyway.

The truth is, no matter where we are in our personal development and spiritual journey, there is not “there” to “arrive” to. Our potentials are infinite and the possibilities are endless. There’s  always work to be done and progress to be had. We’re either growing or we’re dying .

So I called my own bullshit and immediately felt freedom as I released the need to have to pretend or impress anyone that I have everything perfectly put together. Where’s the freedom and authenticity in pretending or trying to impress? It goes against what I stand for.

The blessing is in self-awareness and seeing through where the mind is taking you.

An excuse, or BS, is when you’re mind is trying to convince you that “you can’t” or “it’s impossible”. For me it was trying to trick me into falling back into an old limiting belief of, “oh no, I am not good enough, I have nothing good to say on video.” Bull.

Know that the mind is not doing this to intentionally sabotage you. It always has a positive intention to keep you safe, that’s its main job, so it might look like it is holding you back from making progress, but it’s intention is to keep you the same so you can be safe.

That’s how I befriend and master my own mind. Not by making it wrong. But by allowing it to do its job, and me to become aware when I am being run by my primal need to feel safe and secure and then doing the same exercise in the video. Checking in with myself. Listening.

So there are times I practice tough love, by calling myself on my own excuse. And on other times, I need to practice self compassion especially when faced with a difficult emotion.

Again, self-awareness on what works with you. You are unique. There’s no one else like you. Others will convince you to try their practice or modality. That was not the intention behind this video.

The message here is to move forward by not censoring how you feel and allow it to come forth. Just be with the emotion. We are so trained to tune our attention to distraction that turns into addiction (workaholic, shopaholic, binge eating, etc) to numb our feelings.

It’s time we put the focus back on us and check in what’s going underneath. Do this in small, baby steps. I suggest you start with a small thing that irritates you, a sock left on the floor, and just see where you can invite the energy of allowing in and see where it takes you.

As you explore, you will get a feel of what is true for you by personally experiencing what works and doesn’t, what feels self honoring or doesn’t. Be open to other’s suggestions, and know that there is no one size fits all. Ultimately, you gotta learn to listen to, and trust, YOU!

Oftentimes, we feel this overwhelming, paralyzing fear or emotion. And we allow it to control us through our learned/habitual response to it. We can unlearn the programming by becoming aware of our automatic responses.

As you catch yourself in a learned habit, or pattern, don’t judge it, just simply become aware. Should you choose to, you have the power to shift low energy states (guilt, fear, blame, nagging) and transform it to an energy that will move you forward (praise, gratitude, joy).

For me, allowing myself to uncover all my old ways of believing, thinking, feeling, behaving have expanded my way of being into deeper trust, love and compassion that in turn allows me to be fully present and compassionate for others. Its very fulfilling and rewarding.

Allow yourself to feel a full range of emotions allows you to experience the richness of life and play with what’s possible. You allow you to see who you really are, and not be manipulated how you “should” feel. You start seeing possibilities and potentials in you you’ve never seen before.

Same attitude can be applied to relationships. When you allow them and the relationship to bloom where it wants to naturally grow, not who you need them to be, or your ideas of what they should be, both people and relationship blossom and grow into the best they can be.

As love grows and deepens, you move forward in ways and places you never knew about. Life gets exciting because you actually experience more out of life because you allowed it to show up.

Have fun with this!

12 Days of Christmas Video 12 HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Oh my gosh!

What a roller-coaster ride 2015 was with extreme highs and and extreme lows. It was mind-blowing, nerve-wracking, and heartwrenching, and full of breakthroughs and transformations.

Nature and divine interventions were my pattern interrupts… Just sayin’.

Yeah. It was that powerful and intense! My heart was broken freakin’ wide open that ripped all my defenses and false sense of security to unrecognizable shreds so I can finally rise above, like the phoenix rising from the ashes.

It was the best year of my life in terms of traveling the world and was also the most tumultuous since my wake up calls in 2009. Yes, plural. They were back to back to back to back all in one year. The Universe was REALLY intent on getting my attention at that time.

2015 was really a year of emptying and deep excavation, brilliantly disguised as fun and travel. Yup. My mind exploded its barriers and allowed me to open up and let loose to try new experiences and boldly conquer the world. Quite thrilling. Freeing. And empowering.

welcome 2016

I can’t tell you how many times I gasped at the pure joy and glee of being in God’s presence. Everywhere I went there was an abundance of beauty, excitement, joy, peace and wonder. Even the raging waters, the force, the energy, was exquisite. In short, I experienced heaven.

And from heaven I was unceremoniously dropped to this heartwrenching time and space that broke the old me to pieces. Totally unprepared, I felt like breath and life was snuffed out of me and plunged to this deep, dark, unfamiliar place that shocked and rendered me powerless.

Once again, I was brought down to my knees. In total surrender. Yet this time was different. I was not asleep. I was wide awake heeding God’s call. I was a good girl doing the best that I could and was faithful to my intuition. I cried, “God, what am I still doing wrong?”

And right there… the minute I heard myself ask the question… was a moment of deep revelation and liberation.

All the deep, hard work and relentless practice of self-love and zero-self-judgment finally broke through my child’s tough exterior. She finally trusted me enough to reveal this level of hurt and pain.

“Wherever a strong lock is used,
There is something extremely precious hidden.”
~ Rumi

The younger me, my wounded child, finally felt safe to voice out her pain and frustration: “I am being a good girl. What am I still doing wrong?“

I stayed with her, just breathing, no blame, no shame, no judgment. What she was really asking was: “Why do you forsake me? When will I be enough?”

I breathed with her as I felt her pain, sorrow and frustration. She’s a tough cookie. She had to be strong to raise her 2 children by herself and never bothered anyone for help… and now, finally, she let her guard down and showed me all the places she’d been hurting.

I knew I needed this level of healing. I even booked 2 back to back retreats in Hawaii to connect deeply with my inner child and Higher Self. But God in His infinite wisdom had a better plan and made sure I fully felt what I needed to heal. Lots of forgiveness on a whole deeper layer.

I can appreciate the Divine plan now, but not then. Oh my God. Did it ever hurt. To feel abandoned like a helpless child all over again. This part of me had disappeared at an early age, convinced nobody cared anyway if she ran away and died. I’m glad she is back now.

This is the greatest gift of 2015: WHOLENESS and INTEGRATION

I am so grateful for this level of healing that released the pain of abandonment from the depths of my being and allowed a lost part of me to come back to life. It is so freeing and enlightening to let go of what is false, to redeem my child’s innocence, and to set my spirit free.

That crisis situation, bad as it was, was a blessing in disguise. It has not, to this day, resolved itself and I can only release it to God. I’ve let it go and no longer has power over me. I no longer see it as God abandoning nor punishing me, nor a reflection of what I created or failed to do.

I am whole. And I am free.

Same is true with any external event that threatens to steal my peace and joy. They are just that – external. They can come and they can go. They can not, and never will, diminish the intrinsic value that I AM.

What comes into my consciousness has no power or meaning except what I give it. And things happen for a reason, and that it serves me. So I allow it, simply noticing, welcoming the gift of the present moment, and look for the feedback, solution, lesson or gift that is right in it.

Crisis situations in our life are there to wake us up. To shake us to the core, to make us realize where we are betraying, abandoning, and berating our own self, and to reveal a distorted thinking, a false belief, that there is something wrong with us.

This self criticism and negative self-concept leaves us in lack mentality and separated from our higher truth. It perpetuates a pattern of victimization and powerlessness by looking to the external world, anything outside of us, money, job, lover, as THE source of love and power.

We are each irreducibly unique expressions of the love and intelligence that is the initiating energy of all that is. This energy lives in you, as you and through you.
~Marc Gafni

My travels, the deep connection with nature, and the initiations I received from the two back to back Awakening Higher Consciousness Retreats I attended in Hawaii had me go beyond mind’s comprehension that helped me reclaim my child’s innocence.

From all the emptying out to reclaim this child’s innocence, I was able to make room to birth the Christ-mass in me. To birth the heart and mind of God.

Hawaii opened up a whole new world for me. It’s a different vibration, a different feel. I can’t describe it other than this deep knowing that I am safe and fully supported.

I finally found the true peace, freedom, connection and oneness my soul had been yearning for all my life. I’ve never felt so whole, so full and so loved intimately by my Creator.

And now, as I write this and look back at my whole life connecting the dots… I am simply in awe of life… of Divine Wisdom and the infinite perfection of All That Is…

It is unfathomable, yet truly humbling that all of humanity is evolving through us, through our Unique Self serving as God’s eyes, heart, mouth, hands, ears…

Through all of our consciousness, individually and collectively, all of the Universe is ever expanding, always unfolding, constantly shifting, to bring about what we ourselves are birthing and creating through our manifested desires.

Do you ever think of that? YOU and I, in this human form, whether or not we are conscious of it, are in cahoots with the Universe, and we are participating to orchestrate God’s Infinite and Divine Plan. Isn’t that cool?

I knew I was blessed. Yet from this deeper and higher perspective, oh my God, we are all so very blessed. We are so loved. Without end. There’s nothing we could do to make God love us any less. We really cannot mess it up.

So why not show up and allow the fullest expression and experience of God as our Unique Self? Why not lose the resistance and let life take you to places you’ve never been?

And that is my my life’s mission. To help awaken greatness and joy to those yearning for more fulfillment in life – more aliveness, more meaning, more love, more freedom.

And I am really glad I got to share how to flow with emotional upheavals so they don’t turn into a baggage that take us out of alignment and block us from fully experiencing and expressing God as our Unique Self.

Key points to remember from 12 Days of Christmas video series:

– We can’t heal what we don’t feel.
– Emotions are simply energy in motion. “This too shall pass”.
– Negative or Positive, allow it to rise without blame, shame or judgment.
– Don’t deny the negative emotion by thinking “I should be positive” and “I should accept what is”.

Remove “should” altogether from your vocabulary and be present with how you really feel. Just get curious and listen instead of automatically shutting down what you really want.

Denying yourself, your emotion, and shoulding yourself to be positive when that’s not how you feel, creates conflict and separation within yourself and throws you out of alignment. Self denial makes you feel and feel less than whole.

It invites self-doubt, anxiety and distrust, which you then project out into the world, which will then manifest as an imbalance in your life by form of illness, health challenges, financial struggle, relationship breakdown and spiritual depression.

On the other hand, Learning to allow, and not resist, the natural flow of life will help you create a life of ease and grace. Life can be effortless once you learn to master the art of allowing and being present. Simply allow without judgment, blame and negativity.

This is the key to higher fulfillment and infinite possibilities.

Only through unconditional self-love can you both honor yourself through any emotion you’re in, and be present with what unfolding in your life in the present moment. It’s truly is miraculous when you are present with the present moment.

My wish for you this New Year is that you allow yourself to fully express and experience life’s miraculous wonders. Without apology. Without inhibition. Without needing a reason. You deserve so much more in life. Don’t let it pass you by.

Here’s to raising our vibration in 2016 and may it be a start to a limitless living, and limitless way of being. Happy New Year.

Awake, Alive, Audacious.

12 Days of Christmas Video 11: Merry Christmas!!!

You are the gift you are waiting for this Christmas.

That sounds dangerously narcissistic and egotistical and goes against what’s ingrained in most of us, however, as Martha Graham beautifully explains it:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. “

So, what if Christmas is really about you Awakening your Unique Self from out of the box of limitation and darkness to your true Divine nature? 

In 12 Days of Christmas, I shared steps and processes on how to be fully present with, and allow emotions to be fully felt, especially painful experiences we’d rather deny or resist, so we can release what is blocking and limiting us from fully expressing and experiencing each present moment.

When we are fully present in the present moment, and not stuck in the past or obsessed with the future, we open up to the fullness of light, beauty and magnificence of the Unique Gift and Divine Presence inside of us.

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness – on them light has shone… “

Growing up I always knew Christmas meant more than just decking the halls and giving gifts. Yet, I often wondered how to welcome the birth of Christ and not get stuck on “love one another as I have loved you.”

The concept of unconditional love seem far-fetched and impossible! How can you love thy neighbor, when thy neighbor is not loving thee back?

I also struggled with the call to be the Salt of the Earth, the Light of the World, mostly because I couldn’t see how, and also because I would much rather hide out and not bother anyone. Who knew I’d be sharing the solution myself as an Awakening Coach. Love how that worked!

So, what if to truly welcome the birth of Christ, to truly celebrate and embody the Joy and Spirit of Christ-mass, what if the real invitation is to first prepare the manger inside of us?

As within, so without.

Indeed, love is who we are, and truly, the joy of Christmas is in giving.

But until we open up and discover the Unique Gift that we each are, until we fully express and experience the love that we already are, and is our Divine nature, we are giving from an empty tank and depending on others to constantly fill us up, and still, never feeling enough.

Giving from an empty tank is what is flawed and what creates lack mentality and experiences of lack,  and the unnecessary suffering and imbalance it creates in our bodies – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual, that we look outside of us to fix and heal.

Giving to get feels manipulative and doesn’t feel good because you feel out of alignment with yourself. This creates guilt, shame and self-distrust, feeling unworthy and unloved, and that there’s something wrong or damaged.

You already are whole, perfect and complete. 

The busyness, daily stresses and traumatic experiences of life, plus the unconscious, limiting beliefs, false conditioning and programming installed in our psyche since birth, had us believing the reverse.

We were brainwashed to believe to keep looking externally for answers, approval, permission, wealth and permission while all the while forgetting, doubting or blocking our true loving and abundant nature which is love, joy and goodness itself.

We are all God’s children, each a Unique, Individuated Expression of “His image and likeness”.

“So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.”

What if Christmas is about preparing the manger inside of us, and clearing the debris and junk out of our heart space, so we can make room for Christ to grow and shine from within?

Unraveling the untruths, unwrapping the true of gift of Christmas, the joy and innocence of the child Christ in you, the real you, releases you from the prison that separates you from yourself, and from pain of holding back on fully expressing and experience the love that is you.

Within each of us is the light of Christ waiting to shine and become visible. “For anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

I love this excerpt by Fr. Thomas Keating that truly touched and opened my eyes to fully understand the human condition. He explains the role of ego in our personal and spiritual development and how at some point we need to collapse ego and meld it with Christ consciousness.

“We are invited to let go of the original ideas we had of ourselves as we emerge from the unconsciousness of infancy into self-consciousness and the need for gratification of our instinct for survival, affection, esteem and power, control, and the ego that has emerged out of those experiences along with cultural conditioning to constitute a certain self-consciousness or self-identity that we use to face the difficulties of life and responsibilities of family or supporting ourselves and living as a social being.

There is a deeper level of unity coming to consciousness without knowing what true happiness is and mistaking the gratification of our instinctual need for this happiness. We need a strong ego in order to function in this world, but at some point it becomes less of an asset and needs to be reduced in its influence in our decisions as it stands in the way of the true self with its particular symptoms, capacities and potentialities to live a full human life and indeed a divinely human life and that life is characterized most by capacity for love and compassion and letting go of our self-centered habits and behaviors of a lifetime that are etched in the brain… and will repeat… unless we resolve to change them.”

For some people, call to change is delayed and silenced by resistance to uncertainty and unknown so they’d rather stay the same and what they already know is safe, familiar, comfortable and secure. 

However, for others like me, the calling to change had become impossible to ignore any longer because it hurts much more to stay the same and not fully know, express, experience, share and fully realize who I AM at my core.

Life hurts like hell when you are at war with yourself and out of alignment with your true Divine nature; Life hurts when you can’t recognize yourself anymore because you’ve given away your voice, your choices, and power away; Life hurts when you see yourself self-sabotage.

Returning to your Divine nature, or Christ consciousness, or Higher Self Awakening, then becomes the only true source of inner peace. Returning to love is the only answer to life’s suffering, and the only option to fulfill the soul’s longing; Love then is truly the only way of being.

Awakening to your Divine nature can be difficult and seem impossible when done on your own. It is my intention as an Awakening Coach to make the shifts easy, smooth and enjoyable, so you can sooner come home to the unconditional love that you are and openly share your gift out to the world.

So this Christmas, take the time to open up the gift – the gift of you. It is time to free yourself from judgment, negativity, fear and shame that blocks out love and joy, reveal the true joy and love that is you, and allow Christmas to reign in your heart in every breath, in each present moment.

I hope you enjoyed the 12 Days of Christmas Videos. Merry Christmas and may your Divine Spark shine like Christmas lights all of 2016!  Blessings of love and prosperity and a Happy New Year.

Email me at tess@openheartmindcoaching.com if you have questions about this article, or to request a complimentary coaching conversation. 

12 Days of Christmas Video 7

Here’s a back to back video on Trust and Being Present

You teach best what you most need to learn.” – Richard Bach

I am so loving this 12 Days of Christmas Video Series. What started out as “no agenda, just get in front of the camera already” is turning into a beautiful journey to myself and I am really honored (despite my initial discomfort) to share my growth and insights with you.

Each day prompts a deeper awareness and witnessing of an unlayering, unfolding and unveiling of THE GIFT of truth and light, and the true joy and spirit of Christmas.

THE GIFT is fully revealed only if you first trust in yourself, and that you trust that everything is happening for a reason and that it serves your highest good even if it doesn’t look that way. There’s always a gift in every moment.

To trust that every moment is a gift requires a shift to higher perspective and to deeply trust yourself. And to deeply trust yourself, you have to learn to be present in the present moment. The gift is in the Presence already in YOU.

If this intrigues or resonates with you, check out the “Power of Now” book by Eckhart Tolle. I won’t pretend I understood much of what he said in the book, so it might be time to revisit it and go deeper. For now, the following points from the book are relevant to today’s video.

  1. “Watching the thinker – Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old audiotapes that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years.
  2. Focus your attention into the NOW – Just become intensely conscious of the present moment. There is one certain criterion by which you can measure your success in this practice: And that is the degree of peace that you feel within.
  3. Look at your emotions: The body’s reaction to your mind. The more you are identified with your thinking, your likes and dislikes, judgments and interpretations, which is to say the less present you are as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy charge will be, whether you are aware of it or not.
  4. Watch out for any kind of defensiveness within yourself. By making this pattern conscious, by witnessing it, you un-identify from it. In the light of your consciousness, the unconscious pattern will then quickly dissolve.
  5. Start by observing the habitual tendency of your mind to want to escape from the Now. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future.
  6. As you go about your life, don’t give 100 percent of your attention to the external world and to your mind. Keep some within.